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[personal profile] atma posting in [community profile] heroicrecords
Wordcount: 51241/50000

Drugs/Substances Ingested: Momentum, inertia, and an unwavering will and desire to win
Effects: I kicked every ass

Total Pagecount: 74 complete pages in word

Humanity should strive for peace.

However, peace can often only be achieved through conflict.

If a violent war and our own bloodshed inevitable in the cycle of our creation, then it is best to go out swinging and pulling off acts in a way that generations, centuries, people millenniums from now will be inspired by it and strive to push forth past it and do even more daring acts. I spoke just last chapter of what it means to be a master, a person, a human, what it means to drive us and keep us alive.

I now speak of heroes.

It was only recently for me I realized what a real hero was. We don't need to just die in sacrifice, seeking death and immortality through statues and weeping women, we seek life, we thrive on it, we are what gives it zest. We are the ones daring enough not because we're not afraid, but because we are, but want to show everyone else to not accept that fear as rational either. We're the fire, we're the soul, we're the sword and shield of humanity and all that is good on our Earth and the Heavens and beyond into infinity and entropy, we are the burning spirit of all before us past and present, and we are the ones who carve the future.

Once you master yourself, you can master all and work towards true heroism. It will show in all your acts, no matter how grand or ridiculous, or minor and subtle in your every day life. Heroes take care of people, they're responsible, they're able to put up with your shit and love you anyways. A purest of responsibility is what makes one heroic, and nothing else. It's what makes us able to pull of the stunts you now see before you.

So the gods must be having a giggle right now over the fact their chosen ones of this generation, this century, the ones that bards many years from now will sing power ballads of as people wave their lighters in the air are a couple of drug addled and vastly homosexual perverts who lived in a cheap apartment in Northern California, wasting their scholarly funding on weed, women, and song.

We are not the heroes humanity wanted, but we were the ones it deserved. Sometimes, you need an unlikely pair of underdogs like this to inspire you. People like to root for the little guy. Or in this case, the little gals.

The Cyborg King stood no chance of victory, no matter how superior her firepower was, as we boldly stepped forth and propelled ourselves through her initial volley of lasers and missiles, all spiraling towards us like an immense drill of destruction, exploding in an immense array around us and rocking us as Kat and I just slide our sunglasses on, our flaming spirits turning them into the stars themselves, a pair of dark and red reflected and pointed eyewear on each of our faces, trailing sparks and flames of eternity into the sky out of our cockpits and into the edges of the universe as we began to laugh in the very face of danger and death itself.

Kat, being even less subtle of a human being than I was, ran forth, controlling the legs as she jumped up and forced a nice knee into the torso of the amalgamation of satellite and human before us, laughing as she landed it square on. She was an expert kicker, wrestler, grappler, and never liked to get her hands dirty, lest they be rendered useless to the sorrow of women the world over, her dextrous fingers being reserved for more nefarious purposes.

“Fuck your face!” Kat cackled, her hair starting to shine a more brilliant gold than normal as it began to trail off in golden flames, her body covered in a white hot electricity of blue sparks shining off every inch of her skin, slowly becoming one with the spirit we exuded from every pore, our desire to save the day and look good trying manifesting itself physically as our shinobi scrolls wrapped around us and became one with us. Inside our barrier, we should be invincible, after all, it is the manifestation of our souls and our missions in life, why wouldn't it also make us look that damn much cooler just being in it? You can do whatever you want to in life, be whatever you want to be, and just by seeing herself as this golden dragon of destruction, Kat became it and the force of her strike pushed the King back, but only far enough.

The King caught our leg and twirled us around at over a hundred G forces of momentum and pressure, the only way we weren't blacking out from the immense shielding and gravitational protection and pressure stabilizing that had been installed in The Pussy Destroyer. Our bodies spun in an immense force clockwise as we were tossed away like a frisbee, free thrown for miles and miles in space before managing to stop on nothing, immediately ricocheting off the nearest star cluster and rushing immediately back into the fray.

My turn to impress.

I was in charge of the upper half. A master swordsman and a legend of the samurai arts, I had studied weapons of all kinds from all countries since I could remember, and now it got put to full use as our machine came equipped with a nice pair of dual wielding swords, each one long and wide, used in tandem in a dancing whirlwind of destruction that only the most foolish and brave would dare try to step through, lest they be met with certain shredding and death.

“Ten Thousand Generations Cut!” I shouted, expelling forth a hot, crimson shaded slash from my twin blades and towards the King. A secret technique handed down by the Hanzo to those that could master the ability to dual wield the legendary twin nodachi named Hattori and Musashi, after the greatest ninja and the greatest samurai, my ability to find harmony in both their styles instead of contesting against them as many did to be my greatest ability and what would assuredly bring us victory. Oversized, they only worked with The Pussy Destroyer, but they worked well. It is, as implied, the feeling you have been cut ten thousand times and for ten thousand generations. A nasty piece but it was what would be needed to take down a woman with a grudge this hard.

Shreds of metal and sparks flew off the King as I made mincemeat out of her, roaring in fury as I evolved into the twin dragon to Katsuragi, a force of black and red flames to match her blue and gold ones, my very soul itself igniting as I spat embers and smoke, an immense figure of holy spirit as my red and black flames mixed in the darkness of space and became infinity and the start of other galaxies far, far away themselves.

The King was a sly one, however, and her desperation gave her no end of energy to spare to try to fight against us.

“You think such tricks will work on me? I have evolved past humanity and your arts that only know how to cut flesh and bone well! I am the very universe itself! I am going to become one with it all! YOU CANNOT STOP ME!” Nadezhda screamed in an immense furor as she grabbed hold of my blades, one in each of her hands, and snapped them in two.

I would seethe, mourning the loss of such legendary weapons, if it weren't for the fact Kat and I had another trick left up our sleeves.

“Hey Kat, let's do that next. You know what I mean.” I laughed. “Fucker thinks she has us.”

“Oh, I get you. I'm ready when you are, boss.” Kat laughed in return, both of us grinning wide as the light of the sun reflected off our beaming faces.

I immediately transferred my soul into the blades, turning them into energy beams, swords of immense heat and cutting power that not even the stars themselves had a chance to not be cut down.

Kat transferred hers into the legs, giving our war machine this immense pair of golden greaves, the two of us immediately going back in and beginning our barrage yet again.

Nadezhda reared back and immediately let go with all she had, a wave of sonic sound and reverb hitting us as all her shields went full open, reflecting the sun onto us and making us overheat, sending out a hellish wave of bullets, missiles, and lasers unlike that that any war had ever seen spent before at once, making us blind as we guided ourselves through a sheer force of will towards our destination. If we could collide with her hard enough and with our weapons at once, we could knock the satellite out of her and send her body out, and from there destroy her as she was the very core of its energy and all her hatred.

We only hoped that women below the world over were watching this broadcast.

Meanwhile, below, Asuka and Ayame had not a hard time at all subduing Yozakura. With neither the burning will we had, the shamelessness we possessed, nor a cool giant combining mecha, she had no choice but to eventually give in and let herself be tied up by the two young women. We would be so proud. They turned one of the cameras on to her and shot a broadcast up to space on Nadezhda's wingspan, giving us a thumbs up, overriding her systems as they cheered us on.

“You two got this!” Ayame shouted.

“We believe in you. We all do! Now show them what happens when they kidnap the wrong ninja!” Asuka grinned.

Over and out.

The broadcast returned to our fight as our bodies collided, causing us all to be ejected from our machines. We were still in the barrier, as were the debris and pieces of everything that got launched into space, so Kat and I quickly came up with a plan as Nadezhda swore at us for making her separate, not realizing she still had the advantage, half the satellite remaining in her.

I signaled Kat to move to the left. The missile that sent us into space to begin with was still there.

“Drive it into her soul. You can do it. Knock the rest of that infernal propaganda machine out of her, grab hold of her tits, pin her down. I'll get the head. It all ends here. It's all or nothing.” I whispered over to my cohort.

Kat nodded, crossing her arms over her chest and grinned. “Okay, but it's gonna take all we have left. If we can't off her here, we'll die in space, cold and alone.”

“Well, you're not alone. You got me, stupid. I love you.” I kissed Kat on the cheek for luck and gave her a thumbs up.

She turned bright red and grinned back, kissing me in return and laughing. “Love you too, you stupid piece of shit. See you at the finish line!”

“See you there, you stupid pervert.”

All I had left to my name was Hoshigiri, my faith Kat could pull this off, and a lot of gumption. I began to just walk up to Nadezhda and tried to act casual. Provoking her too hard would server no purpose now, we could mock her all we wanted to after we won.

“Do you know what Hoshigiri means, oh King of mine?” I began. I get one last chance to sound cool, after all. It comes with the territory.

“Star-Cutter. Or more poetically, Star-Slayer. I named it such so that I would live by the old maxim of 'Reach for the stars' and changed it to 'Reach for the stars so that I may cut even them down' and would you look at it, I'm finally in space, and I get the chance to cut down the stars.” I drew my blade and pointed it at her in direct defiance. This would be the point of defiance for all humanity. “Instead, I get to cut you down. What luck. However, you will not move past the point of my blade. No matter how much I push you back, you will no be able to regain any of your territory. You have lost. This point is your vanishing point, and I am happy to oblige your death wish.”

“You want to die that badly? This is a suicide mission at this point. Oh well, I suppose so long as you die with me, it won't be all that bad. In the end, I still get what I want, which is you out of my life and your precious idiot woman and ex of mine in prison for life. You can't do anything about this now. So try me, hero.” Nadezhda taunted back at me.

“Fine. Have at you.”

With that, we crossed fists and blade, in a fury of blows and counters, faster than the human eye could track, reacting to each other with an immense force not unlike that that created these stars to begin with. Each blow was met with an explosive noise and recoil, the gales created by our fight pushing against our hair in the wind, eyes wide as we dared not let ourselves even blink. I only needed to act long enough as a distraction, to keep the King's eye on me, as I peeked around and noticed Kat doing as I said and finding the missile and standing on top of it, the queen of the hill, the rocket ruler. She began to laugh as she reignited it with her spirit and gently pushed back just enough she could get within kicking range of it.

It was working. And I knew it was all going to end when I heard her familiar and loud voice began her final attack chant. The first word echoed in my ears like a heavenly beacon as I fought and fought with everything I had, my own crimson spirit still trailing off and sparkling like the heavens we were fighting in.

“giga...” It was quiet at first. But as her momentum built, channeling all her energy into her feet, so did her voice and spirit.

“Screw...” Any second now. I grinned wide as I could and put away my sword, putting my hands up and cackling.

“You've lost, King. This is our checkmate.” I boasted.

“What do you mean? Draw your sword! Or are you so sure you'd rather die that you're letting me have a free shot? Let me grant you your final request then!” Nadzehda roared, sending her fist at my face. I knew it wouldn't reach me though, and just microseconds before it could, I heard the most wonderful sound in the universe.

“DRAGON!” Almost in tandem with that noise, Kat had turned herself into a whirlwind drill of dragons and flames and kicked the rocket and sent it spiraling out of control and through the King's body, rendering her not much more than just a torso and a head, the face covered in an expression of immense shock and fear that only comes with realizing that yes, your foe is right, and you have indeed lost. Kat latched on to her torso and ducked her head below, giving me a clear path to the King's own head.

“Now, Atma!” Kat commanded of me. My turn to show off again, and the last turn we'd need to win.

“I never thought I would get a chance to use this technique. It's been fun, King, but we are the rightful rulers this day.” I said as I began to walk, then jog, then full on sprint towards the King in a force akin to a comet. It was a simple cut, the most simple of them, but it was born of such an assuredness it would defeat your opponent that it was as if the far future had already written their death down and was sending it back in time early, a special delivery from the end of the universe itself, hence its name.

“Sunset Over Entropy”

My blade connected with her eye and jammed through it, severing her head from her body with its force and crushing the cybernetics in her. I threw the oil and wires that now lay on my blade off and gave a cocky huff, returning my blade to its case and posing triumphantly.

“I...It can't be. Y-You...again.... to be bested by you again! I...” The king began to break up, her voice crackling and weakening as she overheated, about to explode. “I'll see you in Hell yet, Atma! Mark my words!”

“Not if I see you there first.”

With that, the King, the rival lover Nadezhda, exploded in a fury of a thousand suns and illuminated the sky over the Earth in a brilliant sunrise. The people of the Earth looked up just in time to see our victory, knowing that light could only mean that the darkness and the threat of the never ending nights of a living hell that the King had threatened had come to an end. Her life and reign were short and horrible, but our brilliance would be remembered for saving humanity from an even worse war than what she had threatened.

With that done, Kat and I got back in The Pussy Destroyer and began to slowly descend back towards Earth. Our job up here was done, and it was a work to be proud of. Somewhere in space I'm sure there's debris of her still floating around, even through dilated time millions of years from now, her scraps serve as a scar and a painful memory to those that would dare defy our right to our freedom, a reminder of what almost once was and our happier future. The last thing we heard before the broadcast equipment gave out was the entire human race below applauding and celebrating our victory. It was a most wonderful sound.

But what about Ryobi? Well, where do you think we were going to park our vehicle anyways?

The foot of The Pussy Destroyer so gently set back down in Neo Brazil, picking up our dealer and Ayame, giving them each a ride with us, picking up Yozakura to take with us and see if we couldn't get her the same deal Ryobi had, perhaps we could all be neighbors together. We made record time back and had throngs of cheering people meet us in the street with whistles and applause, with that one village in Colombia already in the throes of an immense orgy of celebration. It was a shame we couldn't stop to participate but that's how it goes.

Once we got back, we disassembled the vehicles and just drove up casually. Ryobi didn't notice since she was too busy fighting with the last few of Nadezhda's goons at her side, Koshka and Hikage having made quick work of most of them. They saw us pull up and waved, and the look on Ryobi's face as we walked up the stairs, sweaty and covered in dirt and burn marks from our epic fight above was priceless. The horror, the horror. I tapped her on the shoulder and pushed the hilt of my sword against her back, leering with a huge grin.

“Hey, Kat. Call her probation officer. I'll hold her here.” I pushed Ryobi against the wall and disarmed her, the threat of me breaking her wrists if she dared move a real one.

“WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY YOU ALWAYS GOT TO BE THE HERO? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THE STAR? HOW DARE YOU DEFEAT ME AT THE LAST POSSIBLE FUCKING MINUTE IN THE LAMEST FUCKING WAY I OUGHT TO....” She began ranting again, but I shut her up with a forceful kiss, making her reel back and begin to gag, completely disarming her of even her spirit.

I waved to Ryona. She waved back. She told us we looked pretty cool fighting in space and asked if she could go with us someday. I said maybe next time.

Kat pulled that ridiculous phone out of the now reformed Pussy Wagon and grinned as she put the cops on the phone. “Hello, yes? I just thought you'd like to know Ryobi broke all the terms of her probation pretty bad. You can get extra house arrest if you break your ankle bracelet, right? I thought so. Yes, that'd be fucking great. See you soon.” She then walked up and helped disarm the rest of the robo guards and posed triumphantly.

“Hello honey, I'm home!” We beamed at our girls, looking tired but victorious. They just sighed, their reaction to most things, and shrugged.

“Took you two long enough.” Hikage said. “But glad you're here, I guess. Now if you'll excuse us, we had a melon to eat. You're welcome to join us if you want.”

“We're all about melons, aren't we Kat?” I asked my cohort.

“You damn well right we are. What a beautiful world it is we saved.” Kat and I fistbumped and went on into our girls' apartment to get an after battle meal. Accolades and parades could come later, but for now, we just wanted to eat, and possibly get really stoned and sleep a few days. Saving humanity is exhausting. Ayame and Asuka cheerfully ran up the stairs behind us.

“Homura's melons? She makes the best!” Asuka grinned.

“Hee hee, you like her melons.” Kat jabbed at Asuka.

The two girls sat flustered as we pulled them into our laps and got to work devouring the fruits of our labors, in more than one way. We were the kings of the road. We pulled out the bong and passed it back and forth in a cloud of dankness, welcoming ourselves back in an orgy of weed and women. Laughter filled the air as we told our girls about our exploits, exaggerating them as much as we could.

We had earned this.


It has no been a year since this incident.

We had managed to earn a grant through our efforts to finally be able to open the Hanzo branch in San Francisco, upon which many women immediately enrolled, wanting to learn from these two fine saviors of humanity. Who could blame them, after all that?

For its anniversary, we loaded the students into a plane with Koshka and Hikage as chaperones, passing their coke covered knife back and forth and asking any of the girls if they'd like their first time being high to be up in the sky. They don't bite, hard. We were going to the ruins of Neo Brazil and to stop at that nice village in Colombia as a study to see how far along they were recovering. It would soon become an annual trip every summer vacation.

“This is your pilot, Katsuragi, speaking. I expect no turbulence on this fine flight out of San Francisco today, but if there is, well, nothing wrong with boobs bouncing, as they're naturally wont to do. It's a good thing, so enjoy the ride.” Kat spoke over the intercom, donning a pilot's cap and aviator glasses. “Just take plenty of video to show me later.”

“This is your co pilot, Atma, speaking.” I began, Kat passing the radio to me. “Welcome to Hanzo Airlines flight 69. Next stop is Neo Brazil. They should have statues of me up by now. But you fine ladies are always free to pose with the real deal instead, if you know what I mean.”

You could hear Hikage and Koshka sighing and rolling their eyes from here. This is what they have to put up with every day. You'd feel bad except you probably don't, since it's pretty funny.

“Until we arrive though, let's just say, driver picks the music.” Kat said and immediately changed controls over to the stereo system we brought, me slipping in a mix CD of choice and hitting play.

And thus we end our tale of weed, women, and song.

Let it be warned though to keep your girls precious and close to you, lest all your peaceful days go up in smoke or it all go to pot.

And with the fact you just realized I ended this story on a pun, I make my escape.

I'm out of here.

Roll credits.


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December 2016

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