Wardancer 4 pt1 - NNWM 2k17
Nov. 10th, 2017 11:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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heroicrecordsWordcount: 16743/50000
I, for one, am glad Melodia is rather liberal in its drug policies. The stuff you need to make most potions around here was liberally growing everywhere, and not a regulator in sight. They’d be more potent for healing and such if Gus would have just taken the damn things and used his skillset to make me some kind of kickass tinctures or tonics but he told me to either dual class into Pharmacist myself or have fun with the base ingredients. A Wardancer has no time to be putting skill points where they don’t belong, so in raw form it went. Katsuragi and Miri were at least kind enough to share their experiences with me to let me know which one would be nicest going down.
I may not drink but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to party still. Gotta celebrate somehow.
The next thing I remember is the sun rising and my hat slumped over my face. I slowly creaked my eyes open, grateful to not have...well, I couldn’t say a hangover, but at least it wasn’t an alcoholic one. Weed hangovers do exist, and their side effects are a tendency to ask for “just five more hours” of sleep, a desire for twelve breakfasts, lethargy, rubbery limbs, and the oh my god where are my pants why am I in my boxers and who are these women on either side of me and dear lord another is drooling in my lap.
I checked to make sure neither of them were Katsuragi and or Miri. Especially Miri. I didn’t need a repeat of the story of how my girl and I actually met on the other version of her. Though having two fiancees might make life very interesting. I’d certainly be more of the envy of straight men everywhere than I usually am, for starters. Though I’d probably not be getting much sleep at that rate. Oh, what not an Atma to do.
Oh good. Thankfully they seemed to be just some groupies that tagged along for the party. As I looked around more, I appeared to be the only one coming to, noticing Katsuragi asleep somehow from the chandelier, Miri sprawled out across the bar, and Shawn and Gus had passed out drawing over each others’ faces. Our new recruit, Syl, was face first in a book. At least she’d remember what page she’d be on when she woke up. I wondered just how far I’d gone with any of the women in this bar, slowly getting up and finding my pants before I showed my skivvies off to my party, adjusting my hat, and slowly going about the place and waking everyone nicely.
“Wow, looks like we really tore up Taiyr earlier.” I yawned. “I guess you could say it was a...Taiyr fire?”
Nobody laughed.
“It’s too early in the day for forced puns.” Gus groaned.
“You always say that, buddy.” Shawn retorted, trying to go back to sleep. “Wake me when it’s noo--- Wait, that’s right, we’re not home. The hell happened last night? Nobody shot a giant donut or anything did they? Because in my past experience, those things are expensive to replace.”
“I could go for a giant donut. And about a gallon of coffee.” Kat came to, about five seconds before she came crashing down on the table Gus and Shawn had been sleeping at. She sat up and rubbed her head, trying her best to swallow the urge to let loose a string of obscenities. “I-I meant to do that. Wakes you right up.”
“You’re lucky it didn’t knock you back out, you mean. I’m already on the coffee.” Miri pried herself up and tossed the unlabeled bottle of who knew what in her hand to the side, finding the coffee machine all bars had hidden under them just for situations like this. “So, oh hero, oh teen heartthrob, signer of a thousand autographs, smoocher of ten thousand cheeks, and lover in the nighttime to those three lucky ladi--”
“I DID WHAT?” I shouted, rousing my miniature harem awake. “Oh, uh, good morning, mademoiselles. What a lovely morning this is, though not quite half as radiant as you are.”
I turned my head sharply to my group, urging them into a huddle so they could hear me whisper but the girls couldn’t. “Seriously, what, or who, did I do last night? Help your hero save face.”
“Nothing happened. Miri’s just giving you shit, probably because she’s your girl or whatever. Or sending reports to her. Or whatever she is. You were attempting something but you were all very drugged and fell asleep in compromising positions. Red Sonja’s the one who stole your pants and after seeing what she’s capable of it’s not like we were about to stop her. We figure’d you’d dole out divine musical justice at her later or something.” Shawn rambled on as Miri got rounds of coffee out, served in cheap mugs.
“Seriously. Shawn’s right. For once. I tend to like being able to chew solid food and if I had gone near Blondie and told her to keep it PG-13, I had a feeling she was about to go capoeira all over these perfect teeth.” Gus added.
“Why do I keep you two around again?” I glared at Kat, knowing exactly how to handle this situation, thanks to my magical bardic knowledge of her life from having played every game she’s in, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Hey, Hooter Head, pants back, now, or when we get back to Adoch, you’re getting a job class change to Ungrateful Holiday Brat and wearing nothing but ugly, baggy Christmas sweaters that won’t be showing off no sweater puppies anytime soon. I’m the Wardancer, I’m the hero, I can make this happen, you know.”
“Fffffiiiiiiiiiine.” Kat grumbled, reaching behind the bar and tossing me my pants back. “Was fun while it lasted. At least I can say you got nice legs. Like, half seriously here, you work out?”
“Back home? Yeah. I actually don’t think we’ve gotten to talk about that much. But where I come from, I’m actually a career martial artist that specializes in swords.” I grinned. I never got tired of saying that. How many lesbian samurai did any of them know? Well, Kat probably knew a few but that’s besides the point. “It just clicked with me and now I do a bit of everything and can handle most weapons with competence. But samurai stuff? Shit, yeah, I’m top of my class. Gotta stay in shape for that.”
“So every girl in this group could kill us in our sleep and we’d never hear it coming.” Gus sighed. “Shawn, when we get back home, we got to get our acts together.”
“Why? It’s 2017, let these women have their equality be a samurai sword if they want it. Maybe we can have her teach Jules that, too. Swords don’t run out of bullets.” Shawn finished his coffee.
“You’re awfully accepting about this.”
“Because I’m comfortable with who I am. I have the spirits to guide us, anyways. Can’t get a cooler ability than that, anyways. You’re just mad you didn’t stat your character right.”
The two continued on like that as they usually did when Katsuragi sauntered up to me and ran a hand across my thigh and put that arm around me again, knocking my hat off and getting dangerously close to my face. “Oh? A samurai? Daring to cross paths with a Cleavage Monk? We ought duel once we get you home, eh, brave hero? I bet you like taking that skilled tongueblade of yours the gods here gifted you and running it across the scabba--”
“GOOD GOD Red Sonja, save it for Ye Olde Penthouse.” Shawn shouted.
Miri just cracked up in the distance. I recovered my hat and ducked out of Kat’s grip, leaving her waiting, at least a while longer. Some part of me knew deep down that by the end of this journey she not only was going to know what was under my kilt, I’d be squeezing her bagpipes to see what kind of noises she made. What an atrocious metaphor. “What’s say we finish our coffee and slip back to Adoch and we talk about ourselves more, now that we’re all in on this world saving tour together?”
I blew a kiss goodbye to my miniature harem promising them I’d return on tour someday. Who knows, maybe we’re all stuck here now the rest of our lives and I’d have to eke out a living playing vagabond or something. Though I’m sure if you save the world from a Demon Lord, you’d get a lifelong record contract out of it, minimum.
The way back to Adoch was full of laughter as we got to know each other better. Sure, I knew of Shawn and Gus and I knew of Katsuragi, but I hadn’t the heart to tell them that where I come from, they’re all fictional. Here, they were as real as I was, helping save each others’ asses. And if Miri could function so fully, despite being a pile of tabletop stats back home, then it was proof anything went in Melodia. All it seemed to care about here is carrying the right tune.
On the way back though, we reached an important and much needed decision; it was time for us to go on World Tour and get me strong and experienced enough to take on the Demon Lord. It’s not like we had much of a choice, because once we got back to Adoch, we were met with grave news. Almost as if this was scripted to be once we completed a quest or two or something to urge us out of town.
The king’s daughter, Princess Tarana, had been taking by the Demon Lord himself to be his bride. Of course she did.
“Wouldst thou also save my daughter, oh hero?” The king pleaded, wiping a tear off his eye in a royal handkerchief.
“I suppose. I mean, I was about to head out to defeat this Hjalmar fellow anyways. We’re all pretty comfortable with each other now to have a started band and we’ve proven to come through in the clutch beautifully.” I replied. I mean, I figure even if I said no, he’d keep asking until I gave in. It was an oddly familiar situation.
“Well, as you know, if you defeat the Demon Lord, if we can’t find you a way home, as the hero, you’re free to stay here under an unlimited record contract.”
“Figured as much.”
“But, well, you see, my daughter, she, well...I would promise her hand to one of the menfolk with you, but not only does she prefer the softer touch of a womanfolk like you, but rumor in Adoch is you do, as well.”
I turned sharply to Shawn and Gus. “Which one of you two told?”
“L-look. Promise you won’t get mad.” Shawn started.
“Out with it!”
“But Gus and I put a personal ad for you out on the streets after we joined forces hoping to score you some groupies so we could get this whole band thing rolling in case those applications didn’t pan out. Don’t worry, we only spoke of you in the most glowing of terms!”
“We said you liked long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners you would cook yourself, and moonlit serenades.” Gus began, trying to keep it classy.
“And by that I mean I changed it to ‘Singer in the streets, screamer between the sheets.’”
“You two are so fucking fired.” I turned back to the king. “I’m sorry, sir. You were saying about your daughter?”
“In addition to the lifelong contract, I would also let you have the honor of marrying Tarana.”
I turned bright red. “B-but sir, I already have a fiancee! In fact, her...envoy is standing right there! The one that smells like explosives and is holding a fake camera!”
Miri waved hello.
“Oh, that won’t be a bother. The hero can have as many wives as she cares to take in. Or mistresses. Or whatever it may be she wishes to call them. It IS the seventeenth year past our two thousandth anniversary, after all.” The king chortled.
“Believe me, sire, it’d be my honor to share Atma with another, or another dozen. Watching her squirm around any girl even saying hello to her is more than worth the price of sharing. Why do you all think I’ve not said a word yet about our Cleavage Monk’s actions yet?” Miri cracked up. “Oh man, that’s almost a reward in and of itself for me.”
I flushed an even brighter red, hiding my face behind my cap. “S-sir...”
“You’ll like her. Unlike me, the short, round, bearded king, my daughter is tall, strong like her mother, with suntanned skin and long, reddish gold hair, piercing blue eyes, and...”
I tried to imagine this and my heart stopped for a moment.
“Oh, why not just show her the photo, guard?”
A royal guard came over silently and handed me a photo. Oh gods. Everyone else gathered around me and whistled. “If you don’t want her, I’ll take her.” Kat grinned.
“F-fine. I’ll save her. No promise on marriage but I’ll save her. May we be excused to prepare? I mean, that is what we were about to do.”
“You may go now. And good luck on your journey! You may use whatever you want from the castle to help you prepare, hero.”
We bowed and I made a hasty retreat back to the offices first, hastily changing back into my hero’s robes. I never thought I’d miss this kilt. But once everyone was back and we had our costumes squarely put away and our equipment checked, we said a bittersweet farewell to the place for now, making sure to leave a sign on the door saying “Temporarily Closed – Off Saving The World – Back After Melodia’s Future Ensured – Death to the Demon Lord!”
With a hefty amount of rations and money we got from the king, as well as a couple of extra costumes in case of an emergency musical showdown on the road, we were told to begin our journey by crossing the bridge northward. We were practically in the most southwest portion of the map, with only Taiyr to the East, and then nothing but ocean curving around it. The next furthest shore east would be the other end of the map where Hjalmar’s realm was. It would be a long walk around the whole northern crest of this kingdom and out east, curving almost like a tasty croissant.
If a croissant was somehow both musical and filled with evil.
I, for one, am glad Melodia is rather liberal in its drug policies. The stuff you need to make most potions around here was liberally growing everywhere, and not a regulator in sight. They’d be more potent for healing and such if Gus would have just taken the damn things and used his skillset to make me some kind of kickass tinctures or tonics but he told me to either dual class into Pharmacist myself or have fun with the base ingredients. A Wardancer has no time to be putting skill points where they don’t belong, so in raw form it went. Katsuragi and Miri were at least kind enough to share their experiences with me to let me know which one would be nicest going down.
I may not drink but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to party still. Gotta celebrate somehow.
The next thing I remember is the sun rising and my hat slumped over my face. I slowly creaked my eyes open, grateful to not have...well, I couldn’t say a hangover, but at least it wasn’t an alcoholic one. Weed hangovers do exist, and their side effects are a tendency to ask for “just five more hours” of sleep, a desire for twelve breakfasts, lethargy, rubbery limbs, and the oh my god where are my pants why am I in my boxers and who are these women on either side of me and dear lord another is drooling in my lap.
I checked to make sure neither of them were Katsuragi and or Miri. Especially Miri. I didn’t need a repeat of the story of how my girl and I actually met on the other version of her. Though having two fiancees might make life very interesting. I’d certainly be more of the envy of straight men everywhere than I usually am, for starters. Though I’d probably not be getting much sleep at that rate. Oh, what not an Atma to do.
Oh good. Thankfully they seemed to be just some groupies that tagged along for the party. As I looked around more, I appeared to be the only one coming to, noticing Katsuragi asleep somehow from the chandelier, Miri sprawled out across the bar, and Shawn and Gus had passed out drawing over each others’ faces. Our new recruit, Syl, was face first in a book. At least she’d remember what page she’d be on when she woke up. I wondered just how far I’d gone with any of the women in this bar, slowly getting up and finding my pants before I showed my skivvies off to my party, adjusting my hat, and slowly going about the place and waking everyone nicely.
“Wow, looks like we really tore up Taiyr earlier.” I yawned. “I guess you could say it was a...Taiyr fire?”
Nobody laughed.
“It’s too early in the day for forced puns.” Gus groaned.
“You always say that, buddy.” Shawn retorted, trying to go back to sleep. “Wake me when it’s noo--- Wait, that’s right, we’re not home. The hell happened last night? Nobody shot a giant donut or anything did they? Because in my past experience, those things are expensive to replace.”
“I could go for a giant donut. And about a gallon of coffee.” Kat came to, about five seconds before she came crashing down on the table Gus and Shawn had been sleeping at. She sat up and rubbed her head, trying her best to swallow the urge to let loose a string of obscenities. “I-I meant to do that. Wakes you right up.”
“You’re lucky it didn’t knock you back out, you mean. I’m already on the coffee.” Miri pried herself up and tossed the unlabeled bottle of who knew what in her hand to the side, finding the coffee machine all bars had hidden under them just for situations like this. “So, oh hero, oh teen heartthrob, signer of a thousand autographs, smoocher of ten thousand cheeks, and lover in the nighttime to those three lucky ladi--”
“I DID WHAT?” I shouted, rousing my miniature harem awake. “Oh, uh, good morning, mademoiselles. What a lovely morning this is, though not quite half as radiant as you are.”
I turned my head sharply to my group, urging them into a huddle so they could hear me whisper but the girls couldn’t. “Seriously, what, or who, did I do last night? Help your hero save face.”
“Nothing happened. Miri’s just giving you shit, probably because she’s your girl or whatever. Or sending reports to her. Or whatever she is. You were attempting something but you were all very drugged and fell asleep in compromising positions. Red Sonja’s the one who stole your pants and after seeing what she’s capable of it’s not like we were about to stop her. We figure’d you’d dole out divine musical justice at her later or something.” Shawn rambled on as Miri got rounds of coffee out, served in cheap mugs.
“Seriously. Shawn’s right. For once. I tend to like being able to chew solid food and if I had gone near Blondie and told her to keep it PG-13, I had a feeling she was about to go capoeira all over these perfect teeth.” Gus added.
“Why do I keep you two around again?” I glared at Kat, knowing exactly how to handle this situation, thanks to my magical bardic knowledge of her life from having played every game she’s in, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Hey, Hooter Head, pants back, now, or when we get back to Adoch, you’re getting a job class change to Ungrateful Holiday Brat and wearing nothing but ugly, baggy Christmas sweaters that won’t be showing off no sweater puppies anytime soon. I’m the Wardancer, I’m the hero, I can make this happen, you know.”
“Fffffiiiiiiiiiine.” Kat grumbled, reaching behind the bar and tossing me my pants back. “Was fun while it lasted. At least I can say you got nice legs. Like, half seriously here, you work out?”
“Back home? Yeah. I actually don’t think we’ve gotten to talk about that much. But where I come from, I’m actually a career martial artist that specializes in swords.” I grinned. I never got tired of saying that. How many lesbian samurai did any of them know? Well, Kat probably knew a few but that’s besides the point. “It just clicked with me and now I do a bit of everything and can handle most weapons with competence. But samurai stuff? Shit, yeah, I’m top of my class. Gotta stay in shape for that.”
“So every girl in this group could kill us in our sleep and we’d never hear it coming.” Gus sighed. “Shawn, when we get back home, we got to get our acts together.”
“Why? It’s 2017, let these women have their equality be a samurai sword if they want it. Maybe we can have her teach Jules that, too. Swords don’t run out of bullets.” Shawn finished his coffee.
“You’re awfully accepting about this.”
“Because I’m comfortable with who I am. I have the spirits to guide us, anyways. Can’t get a cooler ability than that, anyways. You’re just mad you didn’t stat your character right.”
The two continued on like that as they usually did when Katsuragi sauntered up to me and ran a hand across my thigh and put that arm around me again, knocking my hat off and getting dangerously close to my face. “Oh? A samurai? Daring to cross paths with a Cleavage Monk? We ought duel once we get you home, eh, brave hero? I bet you like taking that skilled tongueblade of yours the gods here gifted you and running it across the scabba--”
“GOOD GOD Red Sonja, save it for Ye Olde Penthouse.” Shawn shouted.
Miri just cracked up in the distance. I recovered my hat and ducked out of Kat’s grip, leaving her waiting, at least a while longer. Some part of me knew deep down that by the end of this journey she not only was going to know what was under my kilt, I’d be squeezing her bagpipes to see what kind of noises she made. What an atrocious metaphor. “What’s say we finish our coffee and slip back to Adoch and we talk about ourselves more, now that we’re all in on this world saving tour together?”
I blew a kiss goodbye to my miniature harem promising them I’d return on tour someday. Who knows, maybe we’re all stuck here now the rest of our lives and I’d have to eke out a living playing vagabond or something. Though I’m sure if you save the world from a Demon Lord, you’d get a lifelong record contract out of it, minimum.
The way back to Adoch was full of laughter as we got to know each other better. Sure, I knew of Shawn and Gus and I knew of Katsuragi, but I hadn’t the heart to tell them that where I come from, they’re all fictional. Here, they were as real as I was, helping save each others’ asses. And if Miri could function so fully, despite being a pile of tabletop stats back home, then it was proof anything went in Melodia. All it seemed to care about here is carrying the right tune.
On the way back though, we reached an important and much needed decision; it was time for us to go on World Tour and get me strong and experienced enough to take on the Demon Lord. It’s not like we had much of a choice, because once we got back to Adoch, we were met with grave news. Almost as if this was scripted to be once we completed a quest or two or something to urge us out of town.
The king’s daughter, Princess Tarana, had been taking by the Demon Lord himself to be his bride. Of course she did.
“Wouldst thou also save my daughter, oh hero?” The king pleaded, wiping a tear off his eye in a royal handkerchief.
“I suppose. I mean, I was about to head out to defeat this Hjalmar fellow anyways. We’re all pretty comfortable with each other now to have a started band and we’ve proven to come through in the clutch beautifully.” I replied. I mean, I figure even if I said no, he’d keep asking until I gave in. It was an oddly familiar situation.
“Well, as you know, if you defeat the Demon Lord, if we can’t find you a way home, as the hero, you’re free to stay here under an unlimited record contract.”
“Figured as much.”
“But, well, you see, my daughter, she, well...I would promise her hand to one of the menfolk with you, but not only does she prefer the softer touch of a womanfolk like you, but rumor in Adoch is you do, as well.”
I turned sharply to Shawn and Gus. “Which one of you two told?”
“L-look. Promise you won’t get mad.” Shawn started.
“Out with it!”
“But Gus and I put a personal ad for you out on the streets after we joined forces hoping to score you some groupies so we could get this whole band thing rolling in case those applications didn’t pan out. Don’t worry, we only spoke of you in the most glowing of terms!”
“We said you liked long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners you would cook yourself, and moonlit serenades.” Gus began, trying to keep it classy.
“And by that I mean I changed it to ‘Singer in the streets, screamer between the sheets.’”
“You two are so fucking fired.” I turned back to the king. “I’m sorry, sir. You were saying about your daughter?”
“In addition to the lifelong contract, I would also let you have the honor of marrying Tarana.”
I turned bright red. “B-but sir, I already have a fiancee! In fact, her...envoy is standing right there! The one that smells like explosives and is holding a fake camera!”
Miri waved hello.
“Oh, that won’t be a bother. The hero can have as many wives as she cares to take in. Or mistresses. Or whatever it may be she wishes to call them. It IS the seventeenth year past our two thousandth anniversary, after all.” The king chortled.
“Believe me, sire, it’d be my honor to share Atma with another, or another dozen. Watching her squirm around any girl even saying hello to her is more than worth the price of sharing. Why do you all think I’ve not said a word yet about our Cleavage Monk’s actions yet?” Miri cracked up. “Oh man, that’s almost a reward in and of itself for me.”
I flushed an even brighter red, hiding my face behind my cap. “S-sir...”
“You’ll like her. Unlike me, the short, round, bearded king, my daughter is tall, strong like her mother, with suntanned skin and long, reddish gold hair, piercing blue eyes, and...”
I tried to imagine this and my heart stopped for a moment.
“Oh, why not just show her the photo, guard?”
A royal guard came over silently and handed me a photo. Oh gods. Everyone else gathered around me and whistled. “If you don’t want her, I’ll take her.” Kat grinned.
“F-fine. I’ll save her. No promise on marriage but I’ll save her. May we be excused to prepare? I mean, that is what we were about to do.”
“You may go now. And good luck on your journey! You may use whatever you want from the castle to help you prepare, hero.”
We bowed and I made a hasty retreat back to the offices first, hastily changing back into my hero’s robes. I never thought I’d miss this kilt. But once everyone was back and we had our costumes squarely put away and our equipment checked, we said a bittersweet farewell to the place for now, making sure to leave a sign on the door saying “Temporarily Closed – Off Saving The World – Back After Melodia’s Future Ensured – Death to the Demon Lord!”
With a hefty amount of rations and money we got from the king, as well as a couple of extra costumes in case of an emergency musical showdown on the road, we were told to begin our journey by crossing the bridge northward. We were practically in the most southwest portion of the map, with only Taiyr to the East, and then nothing but ocean curving around it. The next furthest shore east would be the other end of the map where Hjalmar’s realm was. It would be a long walk around the whole northern crest of this kingdom and out east, curving almost like a tasty croissant.
If a croissant was somehow both musical and filled with evil.