Valkyrie Weapon 6 - 2K18
Nov. 18th, 2018 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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heroicrecordsCW mostly for WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH ACTION you can't handle this fight scene
WC: 25,500/50000 - HALFWAY MARK IT'S ALL DOWNHILL RACING TO THE END FROM HERE
The Layewaiste Empire was not fucking around. Not that they ever did, that was my job you know, but it’s not like the men were successful at getting laid beyond what they forced upon the poor female flesh of Femrysca. But this isn’t that kind of eroge, if you want that content, there’s plenty of others to choose from. I choose not to go down that route, not just because it’s depressing and gross and wrong, but also a very very lazy way to create drama. I mean come on, let’s get real here, the better drama around that place was whenever I sent one of Pander’s goons packing back, since that’s the only way they’re gonna get it up anymore, if they even have it, is by packing.
The tower that sat Pander was growing wider and stronger, the moat now complete and the last round of fortifications on it beginning. Soon, he would begin building a turret to try to get into the heavens with and bring the three goddesses down if he could, which would send Femrysca into a turmoil unlike any other. You know, even though they had some of the worst names I’d heard overall, I still didn’t want harm to come to them, especially since they had placed such great faith in me and so far not an ounce of that was misplaced.
The last thing the Valkyrie Weapon ever wanted to do was disappoint a woman after all. I’m the goddamn Atma. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? Who the hell do you think is telling you this story? Now sit down and shut up.
So Pander was expending the last of his dark materials to build this spiral tower weapon thing to heaven and invade. But that would require focus and time, and that was something he was about to have taken away from him for a third time, along with his patience, as Shibari limped into the throne room, his hands covered in bloody, stained, infected bandages. He was in sorry shape. An oni unable to break stuff with his own hands was no oni indeed.
He at least had the good sense in his meathead to bow down and immediately apologize.
“Pander-Dono...” he began in an accented voice. “...They got me. I don’t know what to say or do to make it up to you, I know no apology can ever be enough. I’ve not even a pinky left of mine to cut off to offer you as a token of my misplaced honor. I would take my life, but you have not commanded it. Whatever it is I can do...”
“RRRAAAAAAGHH!” Pander growled as he began to kick and scream and throw his throne over in a bigger tantrum than when Sukkur came back. What the hell was this woman? Three generals of his, the Four Plays, the mightiest and meatiest and, well, most obedient and pliable of the men he could find around Femrysca, just taken to task like they were nothing more than the goons that were working around the spires and on the lookout for intruders.
Pander immediately stomped over and with his hand coated in a dark, swirling magic, he wrapped his fingers around Shibari’s tight, fat neck and squeezed. Shibari was all muscle, but not even muscle can save you from the crushing weight of his magic soaked fingertips, Pander’s magic making it feel constricting, suffocating, heavy, like he was being pinched rapidly and squashed to death between two steel tabs. Tears and drool began to stream down Shibari’s face as he choked and tried to form words.
“You, YOU… YOU HAVE the absolute NERVE to come back in here and tell me we’re down to just Spankr now?” Pander shook him and threw his much more massive body effortlessly across the room and into the knocked over throne, seething, teeth bared. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU IMBECILES?”
Shibari brought a fingerless hand to his throat and face as he gasped, the magic that was almost wringing him dry like a towel gone and his airways open again, albeit raspy at first. Half surprised to still be alive, he just looked up meekly, trying to paw at his throat still with his finger nubs and heaving up a bunch of spit onto the ground before he was able to speak.
“We...I have no excuse. I don’t think even sending all our men could stop her. She’s growing too powerful… She has the fists now. She’s only two steps away from unlocking the full Rainbow Bridge…” Shibari muttered. “The way she cooperates with her women seems to be the main draw of her power. No matter which one she’s with, she makes it count. They’re all in synch. Almost as if when she’s with them, Lesbifrost’s power washes over them too...”
Pander just shook his head. “I didn’t think you had two cells rubbing up together in that brain left for anything but fighting, Shibari. I misjudged you.”
“R-really master?”
“Yes, I was quite mistaken.” Pander walked over and kicked Shibari back into submission. “YOU HAVE NONE AT ALL! What a stupid theory! You really have no idea who she is or what she’s dealing with? Even with all seven, that’s not the weapon’s true purpose!”
“T-Then what is?”
“Oh, forget you. You’re not worth expounding this on. But, go to the rehabilitation chamber. And on your way down, call up the Arena-General Spankr. He’s our last chance. But that mush brain of yours did give me an idea.” Pander smirked the cruelest possible smirk. “They’d be heading for the kingdom of Queendom next, would they not be?”
“Closest place to ‘em.”
“They’re going to find their princess is going to be taken to another castle then. Namely, mine.”
Pander picked up Shibari by his topknot and horns and looked him in the eyes. “You. Leave me now. Go join Strippur and Sukkur and I’ll be with you shortly.”
Shibari was tossed aside like a piece of meat as Pander stood out on his balcony and let his magic coat his throat, enabling him to cast his voice and command and presence all over the land that Layewaiste Empire sat on. Those enchanted words would keep the men brainwashed and willing as he laid out his machinations before them. How else do you keep a kingdom of men who have mostly only seen other men around motivated? I mean it made sense a few of them were probably gay and just in it for the scenery, debating which of the Four Plays they’d want to bed, or pin ups of Pander in their locker. To each their own taste. I had women, and lots of them to get through before the ones after us did.
And hopefully they never did. I was going to rock them all so hard they’d swear off these dirtbags for eternity and only come crawling to my lady army. Damn, we need a name. Let me get back to you on that.
“Listen up, men of Layewaiste Empire!” Pander began. At once, every man within the Empire’s radius came to a halt and looked towards the castle where he was, whether far far away or the spire next to him, all stood at attention before their lord, bowing and obeying to the very end.
“This is going to be a dangerous mission, but the Valkyrie Weapon is gaining power at a rate unforeseen. I will be sending the Arena-General Spankr out to the kingdom of Queendom post haste, and I will need as many men who are willing to go into battle with him! Their party is but only five women strong; with our combined might and united goal, we shall take them down! While you distract them and hopefully kill them, the Arena-General will be infiltrating the castle and kidnapping their beloved princess, Ally, and trying to bring her back here, hopefully sending any survivors here to be killed, and while they march here their power divided as they could not gain her and unlock the skill she needs from the princess for Lesbifrost!”
The speech went on, not unlike a medieval Galt.
“You will be hurt. Some of you may die. But I promise you none of it will be in vain as you bring glory to the Layewaiste Empire! I will raise glasses in your honor, and spill out the wine as your blood was in honor of the incredible fight you will put forth! So raise your weapons, anything and everything, arm yourselves, and begin to pack now if you plan on going, because the second the Arena-General Spankr comes out on his horse, he will be off and anyone not following will stay and help me finish the final spire, the Heaven’s Ascension, where we shall take the ultimate prize!”
He cleared his throat as the clouds around the castle cracked with dark lightning and roared with a thunder as angry as his voice. This was not a pretty sight. Be it the fact it was all men or all evil or both. Either way, the smell rising from it had to be incredible. I can’t believe this many men in one spot were this averse to Old Spice. Then again, that’s reserved for nice, classy asshole motherfuckers like me who go in tits first for the hell of it, and not trying to get something out of it.
Without this on me, none of the kids I’m sure to have left some of these women with would have been born. I wonder if Femrysca allows child support in payment plans.
“Should you want this land of Femrysca to hold our flag instead and our Empire’s glory to reach every corner of this planet to continents well beyond this reach, then show me! Prove to me your loyalty and go forth and charge! Take the kingdom of Queendom and worry about anything else along the way after! They can be easier, ahem, subjugated without that pesky Valkyrie Weapon around!”
The gates below at the castle clattered open with the sound of heavy iron and shackles, and out in a mighty burst, stopping at the edge of the bridge, stood a man in thick armor, especially wide around his neck, with scruffy blonde hair and a beard, wielding a fat bastard sword in one hand and a shield slung over his other. His saddle bags were filled with books and maps, and his face was heavy and sullen as he just looked, suddenly seeing a majority of Pander’s men surrounding him and cheering.
“There he is! Our glory rides with him and now rides with you! Remember the prize you go for and spare not an inch of that wretched Valkyrie; drag that princess back and leave her and her women to suffer and know the humiliation they send me in nothing but droves! They WILL rue the day they chose to stand up to the Layewaiste Empire, whether they want to or not!”
The men cheered louder and louder as their leader went on his epic halfway point rant. They gotta start getting serious sometime, I suppose, and these brands of assholes LOVED to hear themselves stink up the place. Something about it was definitely giving him a boner, not that we’d want to know or see it, but it’s got to be some sort of fetish shit with these types.
“FOR THE EMPIRE!”
And with that he let go of his brainwashed hold on them, the magic seeped into their mushy brains, already long grabbed hold and sprouted a seed of evil, hatred, bigotry unrivaled, like a kudzu wrapping around their own personal identity and choking them out of any potential for individuality. You couldn’t tell these men apart if you tried.
And now began their long march from the northwest corner of the map all the way down here towards the south and east most ends. There seemed to be only one stop left on the map after Queendom, in which case I was expecting us to have to turn around, the weapons and forms of Lesbifrost gathered, our armor and skills sharpened. Our wits? Maybe. But we had gusto and bravado, whereas they only had the hate to lure them in towards my blade. Or in this case, my fists.
Wherever Pander’s army went, a dark cloud followed, darkening their faces and making their eyes look sunken, if you could even see them, as proof of the fact they were just mindless, violent puppets regurgitating a foul man’s loud ideas, simply because he had the guts to say them first. Their libidos and their urge to kill were both at an all time high, and if it weren’t for the fact mine is always bigger even if you combined all of these men’s lengths and gave me a solid number I bet I could still count that many inches on them in one hand.
They didn’t have the balls to match me, but mindless assholes tended to be violent and reactionary in ways that usually meant to be death, unfortunately for us all. Though I suppose that meant I just had to crush them under my heel as hard as I could. Now that was easy. Though right now, I think letting these fists do the talking was the right move.
And as these men began their long, tireless, hungry, angry march towards Queendom, us girls, who would go down in history being known as the Fylgjian Amazons, as they carried the Valkyrie and her Rainbow Bridge up and saved the day.
At least, that was the outcome everyone was hoping for. With loins girded, we began to pack up and leave the town of Gropehold, knowing the edge of the map was coming just after Queendom. Gropehold was a nice place that had a nicer hold on my heart, and I was going to miss the food and the being roughed up by some yakuzamazons who wanted someone like me to try to cuddle, if that’s what you want to call almost crushing my face in a few times.
With our Big Bi with us, our load was much easier to carry, meaning inventory space actually increased as she could get more going, and the more the better right now.
We had no idea what we were marching into, after all.
And this time, the stakes were laid out flat for us.
There had been a massive backroad on the underside of Femrysca this whole time, through the cragged mountains and along the seabed, but I heard the encounter rates there were ridiculously high and ridiculously strong, and only really meant for grinding, in either sense of the word. It was the completionist’s nightmare mode for all those critical hit CG pics they’d be looking for. We ultimately decided to stay out of it because we’d all been there in games before and honestly, the long and familiar road back paid off every time to be taking instead.
With this shortcut and the power that the Arena-General Spankr and his brainwashed crew possessed though, nothing on that road stood a chance of living anything close to life after that, and monster bits covered it up and down the coasts and mountains and caves therein, staining the sands before them just red enough to change the color of some of the foam coming in off the waves rolling around by their feet. A long trail of multiple sets of foot marks dotted the dirt and gravel and permeable roads under them. Some just stepped aside, knowing they worked for Pander, fearing them themselves, for whatever concept of gender that a monster like the eldritch things they found may have, that maybe the lady ones cried more and the male ones froze hoping they wouldn’t be next, either dead or succumbing to the Overlord’s siren song for compliance and bloodshed in his name.
This means though that not only did they get to Queendom and its back door before we did, they gained levels that put them on an actual challenge level with us.
They lay waiting, Spankr climbing the castle and slaughtering whatever guards he could and looking upon the throne to see a girl cowering nearby in a robe that matched the royal purple streaks of her hair. This was her. The prize.
“Princess Ally, I presume?” Spankr began speaking rather gentlemanly.
“Y-Yes?” the poor shaking princess replied, meekly.
Spankr ran up as fast as he could and took her by force into his shield hand’s grip, having strapped it to his shoulder and upper arm, his sword edge near her throat as he sneered and began to drag her up the stairs to the top of the castle, threatening her the whole time.
“You move, or try to escape, or call for help, or any of that nonsense, little girl, and your throat will be slit and a deep crimson stain will mar that violet robe of yours.”
Poor Princess Ally meekly agreed to be taken hostage and was taken to the top of the castle without any physical harm, but the mental wounds would take a while to heal.
The Arena-General sneered as he looked towards the front of the town. “Just in time to see the oh so almighty heroine arrive, you better start praying to the goddesses that she can pull this off. After all, four means death, and I intend it to be all of yours!”
His eyes became wide and excited, his adrenaline feeding him as he turned towards me and spat towards me, showing off the victim he had in his hands, his sword oh so menacingly held across some poor woman’s neck.
“YOU! THE VALKYRIE WEAPON! WHAT TIMING! We’ve taken this town as ours, and if you would so kindly back down, none of you will die too painfully, you have my word!” he shouted, as if I cared to give in to the threats of such, especially from men.
“Yeah, what? Who the fuck are you anyways?” I shouted back. “You look like someone who has deep fantasies about fucking their own dad, so what are you doing playing with little girls?”
You could see the expression on his face widely changed as he scoffed and tossed Ally aside, pointing his sword at me and cursing up a storm.
“I’ll have you know I’m perfectly heterosexual! One hundred percent man and into women! I will desecrate the lot of you before sundown!”
Struck a nerve it seems. It’s a pretty easy one in these types. Not even these Four Plays general buffoons were spared the toxic words and magic seeping from them that Pander spoke, though they did suffer it least.
“Okay, sure.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay yeah, I’m Atma, the Valkyrie Weapon, and I’m here to...”
I was interrupted as the girl that was held hostage spoke to me. “ATMA? Is that really you? I was worried you’d never come and get me!”
“I uh...” that level of worry, the princess thing, the fact he was trying so hard to keep her away from me. It could only be one person. “Ally? You got here? Oh crap, that means we got to REALLY protect you. Look, this world is, it’s uh, look it’s just not suited for someone like you, but hey, I got all the other girls with me! Look! We’ll protect you from whatever is lurking around the corners here!”
I signaled Cassie from behind my back to have her try to beam this sword guy in the face with some low dose of her napalm as fast as she could. It struck him dead on and the poison began to seep down that massive metal neck collar he had on.
“Like that!” I added.
“YOU! I’m Arena-General Spankr, and I don’t think you’re going to like having to deal with me one bit! How dare you do this to me! If that’s the case, then I got just the remedy for this!” with that, Spankr took his glove off and put his fingers to his mouth, blowing in a loud whistle.
Soldiers, hungry with lust for woman flesh and power, crept up from behind everywhere. Very much including behind us. We’d been had. Tricked. Surrounded. Or something that was supposed to intimidate us into giving up, I guess. I’d gotten smaller squads out of bigger fights before. I knew the deal; somehow get the group in a safe formation enough to get me to the castle gate so I could rush this guy on my own. Seeing their beloved leader’s ass handed to him in front of them tended to make most of them turn into the cowards that they actually were and turn tail back home. If not, it made them much easier pickings.
But there existed ones of every type, and we knew what we had to do now.
Objective: Save the princess, because this is one I was sure we wouldn’t want in another castle. Especially given what the only other option for castles in this world was. I wasn’t about to leave poor Ally there, not one bit. I could handle it, I could eventually escape and make my way back out the front door as if I owned the place, and maybe I did, because I swapped the deed on the way out. I’d have to get up that castle though, and fast.
This called for a bit of swashbuckling. My fists were free of weapons this time, because they were my weapons, meaning things like ropes and plants and the edges and holes found in stone could be climbed. You know, like the fortress wall before me.
But while that would be cool and all, I had a much better idea.
And that was to start throwing fists.
“Screw this; let’s fight!” I yelled as I made my move towards the castle and just began a flurry of destruction from my hands.
In front, to the left, up and down, it didn’t matter, there was so many of these faceless bucket headed fools that it didn’t seem to make a lick of difference which ones we were hitting, just hit them until they fall. Simple. They could go home crying to their moms now if they wanted, you know, if they hadn’t done that whole swearing off womakind thing.
Anthy started jamming on her harder tunes, making us a lot meatier and harder to hit, which with the sheer number and magnitude of the forces before us, was more vital than actually stopping them. Though with Big Bi in the mix now, watching her take one and throw it into a pile of them and see them topple before us like firewood was always a treat. Anything like that or the area around the dead was being marked with Cassie’s napalm and other poisons, usually the chafing one, so they would gladly stay the hell away. Miri was using this chance to line our purses to unfathomable levels as she would snatch their wallets, bags, whatever and watch them get crushed by either me or Bi’s fists. It was a miraculous sight. Now and again, one of their bigger, slower, but absolutely beefy idiots would wander up behind us, and Miri’s insta shanking usually did the trick on them.
I don’t think they thought this through. The more they had, the more cramped they got as I made my way to the castle door and just punched the handles off and kicked my way in. Several guards tried to jump me from behind where the doors swung open and I took them for a ride. And by that I mean just ducked and let the two morons smash each other in the face, backing up a bit and letting them crumple on down to concussion town as I stomped on the back of their heads for good measure, only to be met by a maddened fencer at the staircase to the top where Spankr and Ally were.
Okay. Sword vs fists rarely ends well for the unarmed one. But a true swordsman like me knew that you didn’t need an actual sword to be a swordsman, and that my fists and gauntlets could parry any single one of this mans thrusts and stabs and slashes. I let him try to cut me, just stepping to the side as I backed up slowly, ducking and jumping a couple times until I purposefully put my back to the wall near a curtain, grinning.
“You wanna fence, kid?” I grinned. “You ain’t got shit on real dueling, I’ll tell you that now. You’re about a thousand million more generations from ever facing me fairly!”
As he went in for a kill shot, I jumped up, spinning in the air as I grabbed onto the highest section of curtain drawstring I could, running myself along the wall and down into the massive burning pot of a torch that I had been standing in front of, kicking it over and spilling the flames and oil in it all over him as my feet caught it, extinguishing them on his good sword arm and shoulder, absolutely crushing it as I picked up his sword and pointed it at him.
“I got a princess to save, you dumb fucking animal.” I sneered. “How dare you try to use something like a sword to do something so cruel to such a lovely lady? Don’t you know the first rule of chivalry?”
I wouldn’t let him answer, taking the pommel of his sword and just digging it into his nose and teeth, shattering anything around it and knocking him out like a light. I slid the sword into my belt and made my way up the stairs.
Up here, in the air, by myself, with my friends struggling to fend off the mighty horde below, even with their best efforts the fact they seemed to respawn at ridiculous rates was exhausting them. I knew what I had to do.
I took that cheap sword out and made a threat at Spankr.
“Hand over the princess, asshole.”
“And why would I just do that, just because you have someone’s poorly forged cutlass in my face, lass?”
“Because I’m the Valkyrie Weapon, you dumb bastard.”
With one swipe from his sword, said cheap crap was out of my hand and I was left unarmed again. I just sighed as he hunkered down, bringing his shield down to his hand and in front of him, sword up like some kind of hunchback trying to scare off whomever was knocking at his door while he was masturbating at two in the morning.
“Yeah? And I’m the Arena-General. Titles mean nothing, words even less, when it comes to combat. If you can somehow beat me, empty handed, with me in this pile of steel and rivets, armed with a sharpness keen enough to shave the soft hairs on your feminine cheeks I think I’ll---”
I sputtered and felt my head swirl upon hearing the word feminine. My blood began to boil as I seethed inside and out, an aura coming around me as I stomped my foot down and entered a deep, low fighting stance as he was.
“What did you just call me?”
“Oh relax, you women really can’t take a…”
Before he could finish, Spankr was eating a flying knee to the face, knocking him back enough I could grab his arm and flip him over, cracking his sword arm behind him and jumping up and back down as hard and fast as I could, dislocating his shoulder and breaking his elbow.
The shriek of pain from that one could be heard for miles around for years to come, there would still be a faint ringing around here as he screamed and wailed, his arm flopping and essentially killing his fencing career. He tried to stagger up and shake his shield off, grabbing the lip of it and throwing it at me like some kind of horrible frisbee.
Huge mistake, fucko. I grabbed it and spun it back around, the same edge beaming him right where my knee did, pushing him over as I popped his other arm and began to pry his armor off with my bare hands, revealing nothing more than a scrawny, bone-thin idiot underneath all of the bravado. I tossed his armor down and lifted his broken body up and showed it to his men.
“This is the man in charge of you today. He is both beaten and barely a man at all! He is old and frail and has tricked you into believing his strength.” I tossed his body at the feet of the soldiers remaining below. “Take him back and tell your boss no matter how many of these assholes he has, the Valkyrie Weapon will be waiting to humiliate them all.”
I grinned, my aura cooling off.
I won.
I went over and picked up Ally like a real princess, smiling softly and bringing her out, looking the remaining enemies dead in the eye as Spankr barely was able to speak or breathe.
“You still here? You want him to die on your watch? That’ll be your blood on Pander’s sword, or whatever he’s got. I don’t know, I never met the guy for someone who seemingly hates me so much.”
With that revelation, the soldiers all fled, and the long hard battle was won.
And with Ally safe, our skills were up, and mine especially since doesn’t the hero always get a kiss on the cheek after something like this? Yeah you bet she does. I ain’t ever washing my face again!
With that, the sixth weapon and form of Lesbifrost was revealed to me to be actually a massive paladin’s shield, and with it a change into a holy bikini and cape with the valkyrie’s helmet I originally had on, and the mitsudomoe symbol of the samurai on my cape. The shield felt light, warm, protective, healing. Finally, someone with some real healing power, and it was...me? Who knew. Then again, I did make a pretty good warlock. We’ll see how cleric Atma turns out. Rainbow Bridge – Defender was unlocked.
Cassie’s next skill came as Recipe – Pollenator, which would cause a mass blindness in a small area and drastically lower enemy accuracy. Could have used this sooner but oh well. Anthy gained Metal March, a song that instantly put us in a better formation for that round, regardless of our moving capabilities. Miri gained Organ Donor, which would cause an enemy to lose HP due to infection and if they got near another enemy, spread it to them. Bi got the Steel Cage Special, capable of trapping an enemy for a while in their place. Ally joined and came with a wide array of healing magic, so it wasn’t just me who was going to be playing first aid.
With that, our party was looking pretty goddamn balanced. But one last place sat on our map, and Lesbifrost hungered for her final form. There was no landmark but maybe a small tent and what looked like the actual frontier edge of Femrysca.
But for now, we decided to crash here in Queendom. The battlefield was a mess, and so were we, but to be able to sleep in a royal bed, snuggled up to an actual real princess to keep warm as her new war cleric?
That was worth its weight in the sweat and blood we had poured forth onto this ground this day and saved the good name of Queendom.
Little did we know far more blood, sweat, and tears awaited us all out on the frontier, but to us, that night, that was thousands of years to happen from now.
Goodnight, sweet princess. We’re all here now, together, and we’ll protect and love each other until the end.
Because that’s what real chivalry does.
WC: 25,500/50000 - HALFWAY MARK IT'S ALL DOWNHILL RACING TO THE END FROM HERE
The Layewaiste Empire was not fucking around. Not that they ever did, that was my job you know, but it’s not like the men were successful at getting laid beyond what they forced upon the poor female flesh of Femrysca. But this isn’t that kind of eroge, if you want that content, there’s plenty of others to choose from. I choose not to go down that route, not just because it’s depressing and gross and wrong, but also a very very lazy way to create drama. I mean come on, let’s get real here, the better drama around that place was whenever I sent one of Pander’s goons packing back, since that’s the only way they’re gonna get it up anymore, if they even have it, is by packing.
The tower that sat Pander was growing wider and stronger, the moat now complete and the last round of fortifications on it beginning. Soon, he would begin building a turret to try to get into the heavens with and bring the three goddesses down if he could, which would send Femrysca into a turmoil unlike any other. You know, even though they had some of the worst names I’d heard overall, I still didn’t want harm to come to them, especially since they had placed such great faith in me and so far not an ounce of that was misplaced.
The last thing the Valkyrie Weapon ever wanted to do was disappoint a woman after all. I’m the goddamn Atma. Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? Who the hell do you think is telling you this story? Now sit down and shut up.
So Pander was expending the last of his dark materials to build this spiral tower weapon thing to heaven and invade. But that would require focus and time, and that was something he was about to have taken away from him for a third time, along with his patience, as Shibari limped into the throne room, his hands covered in bloody, stained, infected bandages. He was in sorry shape. An oni unable to break stuff with his own hands was no oni indeed.
He at least had the good sense in his meathead to bow down and immediately apologize.
“Pander-Dono...” he began in an accented voice. “...They got me. I don’t know what to say or do to make it up to you, I know no apology can ever be enough. I’ve not even a pinky left of mine to cut off to offer you as a token of my misplaced honor. I would take my life, but you have not commanded it. Whatever it is I can do...”
“RRRAAAAAAGHH!” Pander growled as he began to kick and scream and throw his throne over in a bigger tantrum than when Sukkur came back. What the hell was this woman? Three generals of his, the Four Plays, the mightiest and meatiest and, well, most obedient and pliable of the men he could find around Femrysca, just taken to task like they were nothing more than the goons that were working around the spires and on the lookout for intruders.
Pander immediately stomped over and with his hand coated in a dark, swirling magic, he wrapped his fingers around Shibari’s tight, fat neck and squeezed. Shibari was all muscle, but not even muscle can save you from the crushing weight of his magic soaked fingertips, Pander’s magic making it feel constricting, suffocating, heavy, like he was being pinched rapidly and squashed to death between two steel tabs. Tears and drool began to stream down Shibari’s face as he choked and tried to form words.
“You, YOU… YOU HAVE the absolute NERVE to come back in here and tell me we’re down to just Spankr now?” Pander shook him and threw his much more massive body effortlessly across the room and into the knocked over throne, seething, teeth bared. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU IMBECILES?”
Shibari brought a fingerless hand to his throat and face as he gasped, the magic that was almost wringing him dry like a towel gone and his airways open again, albeit raspy at first. Half surprised to still be alive, he just looked up meekly, trying to paw at his throat still with his finger nubs and heaving up a bunch of spit onto the ground before he was able to speak.
“We...I have no excuse. I don’t think even sending all our men could stop her. She’s growing too powerful… She has the fists now. She’s only two steps away from unlocking the full Rainbow Bridge…” Shibari muttered. “The way she cooperates with her women seems to be the main draw of her power. No matter which one she’s with, she makes it count. They’re all in synch. Almost as if when she’s with them, Lesbifrost’s power washes over them too...”
Pander just shook his head. “I didn’t think you had two cells rubbing up together in that brain left for anything but fighting, Shibari. I misjudged you.”
“R-really master?”
“Yes, I was quite mistaken.” Pander walked over and kicked Shibari back into submission. “YOU HAVE NONE AT ALL! What a stupid theory! You really have no idea who she is or what she’s dealing with? Even with all seven, that’s not the weapon’s true purpose!”
“T-Then what is?”
“Oh, forget you. You’re not worth expounding this on. But, go to the rehabilitation chamber. And on your way down, call up the Arena-General Spankr. He’s our last chance. But that mush brain of yours did give me an idea.” Pander smirked the cruelest possible smirk. “They’d be heading for the kingdom of Queendom next, would they not be?”
“Closest place to ‘em.”
“They’re going to find their princess is going to be taken to another castle then. Namely, mine.”
Pander picked up Shibari by his topknot and horns and looked him in the eyes. “You. Leave me now. Go join Strippur and Sukkur and I’ll be with you shortly.”
Shibari was tossed aside like a piece of meat as Pander stood out on his balcony and let his magic coat his throat, enabling him to cast his voice and command and presence all over the land that Layewaiste Empire sat on. Those enchanted words would keep the men brainwashed and willing as he laid out his machinations before them. How else do you keep a kingdom of men who have mostly only seen other men around motivated? I mean it made sense a few of them were probably gay and just in it for the scenery, debating which of the Four Plays they’d want to bed, or pin ups of Pander in their locker. To each their own taste. I had women, and lots of them to get through before the ones after us did.
And hopefully they never did. I was going to rock them all so hard they’d swear off these dirtbags for eternity and only come crawling to my lady army. Damn, we need a name. Let me get back to you on that.
“Listen up, men of Layewaiste Empire!” Pander began. At once, every man within the Empire’s radius came to a halt and looked towards the castle where he was, whether far far away or the spire next to him, all stood at attention before their lord, bowing and obeying to the very end.
“This is going to be a dangerous mission, but the Valkyrie Weapon is gaining power at a rate unforeseen. I will be sending the Arena-General Spankr out to the kingdom of Queendom post haste, and I will need as many men who are willing to go into battle with him! Their party is but only five women strong; with our combined might and united goal, we shall take them down! While you distract them and hopefully kill them, the Arena-General will be infiltrating the castle and kidnapping their beloved princess, Ally, and trying to bring her back here, hopefully sending any survivors here to be killed, and while they march here their power divided as they could not gain her and unlock the skill she needs from the princess for Lesbifrost!”
The speech went on, not unlike a medieval Galt.
“You will be hurt. Some of you may die. But I promise you none of it will be in vain as you bring glory to the Layewaiste Empire! I will raise glasses in your honor, and spill out the wine as your blood was in honor of the incredible fight you will put forth! So raise your weapons, anything and everything, arm yourselves, and begin to pack now if you plan on going, because the second the Arena-General Spankr comes out on his horse, he will be off and anyone not following will stay and help me finish the final spire, the Heaven’s Ascension, where we shall take the ultimate prize!”
He cleared his throat as the clouds around the castle cracked with dark lightning and roared with a thunder as angry as his voice. This was not a pretty sight. Be it the fact it was all men or all evil or both. Either way, the smell rising from it had to be incredible. I can’t believe this many men in one spot were this averse to Old Spice. Then again, that’s reserved for nice, classy asshole motherfuckers like me who go in tits first for the hell of it, and not trying to get something out of it.
Without this on me, none of the kids I’m sure to have left some of these women with would have been born. I wonder if Femrysca allows child support in payment plans.
“Should you want this land of Femrysca to hold our flag instead and our Empire’s glory to reach every corner of this planet to continents well beyond this reach, then show me! Prove to me your loyalty and go forth and charge! Take the kingdom of Queendom and worry about anything else along the way after! They can be easier, ahem, subjugated without that pesky Valkyrie Weapon around!”
The gates below at the castle clattered open with the sound of heavy iron and shackles, and out in a mighty burst, stopping at the edge of the bridge, stood a man in thick armor, especially wide around his neck, with scruffy blonde hair and a beard, wielding a fat bastard sword in one hand and a shield slung over his other. His saddle bags were filled with books and maps, and his face was heavy and sullen as he just looked, suddenly seeing a majority of Pander’s men surrounding him and cheering.
“There he is! Our glory rides with him and now rides with you! Remember the prize you go for and spare not an inch of that wretched Valkyrie; drag that princess back and leave her and her women to suffer and know the humiliation they send me in nothing but droves! They WILL rue the day they chose to stand up to the Layewaiste Empire, whether they want to or not!”
The men cheered louder and louder as their leader went on his epic halfway point rant. They gotta start getting serious sometime, I suppose, and these brands of assholes LOVED to hear themselves stink up the place. Something about it was definitely giving him a boner, not that we’d want to know or see it, but it’s got to be some sort of fetish shit with these types.
“FOR THE EMPIRE!”
And with that he let go of his brainwashed hold on them, the magic seeped into their mushy brains, already long grabbed hold and sprouted a seed of evil, hatred, bigotry unrivaled, like a kudzu wrapping around their own personal identity and choking them out of any potential for individuality. You couldn’t tell these men apart if you tried.
And now began their long march from the northwest corner of the map all the way down here towards the south and east most ends. There seemed to be only one stop left on the map after Queendom, in which case I was expecting us to have to turn around, the weapons and forms of Lesbifrost gathered, our armor and skills sharpened. Our wits? Maybe. But we had gusto and bravado, whereas they only had the hate to lure them in towards my blade. Or in this case, my fists.
Wherever Pander’s army went, a dark cloud followed, darkening their faces and making their eyes look sunken, if you could even see them, as proof of the fact they were just mindless, violent puppets regurgitating a foul man’s loud ideas, simply because he had the guts to say them first. Their libidos and their urge to kill were both at an all time high, and if it weren’t for the fact mine is always bigger even if you combined all of these men’s lengths and gave me a solid number I bet I could still count that many inches on them in one hand.
They didn’t have the balls to match me, but mindless assholes tended to be violent and reactionary in ways that usually meant to be death, unfortunately for us all. Though I suppose that meant I just had to crush them under my heel as hard as I could. Now that was easy. Though right now, I think letting these fists do the talking was the right move.
And as these men began their long, tireless, hungry, angry march towards Queendom, us girls, who would go down in history being known as the Fylgjian Amazons, as they carried the Valkyrie and her Rainbow Bridge up and saved the day.
At least, that was the outcome everyone was hoping for. With loins girded, we began to pack up and leave the town of Gropehold, knowing the edge of the map was coming just after Queendom. Gropehold was a nice place that had a nicer hold on my heart, and I was going to miss the food and the being roughed up by some yakuzamazons who wanted someone like me to try to cuddle, if that’s what you want to call almost crushing my face in a few times.
With our Big Bi with us, our load was much easier to carry, meaning inventory space actually increased as she could get more going, and the more the better right now.
We had no idea what we were marching into, after all.
And this time, the stakes were laid out flat for us.
There had been a massive backroad on the underside of Femrysca this whole time, through the cragged mountains and along the seabed, but I heard the encounter rates there were ridiculously high and ridiculously strong, and only really meant for grinding, in either sense of the word. It was the completionist’s nightmare mode for all those critical hit CG pics they’d be looking for. We ultimately decided to stay out of it because we’d all been there in games before and honestly, the long and familiar road back paid off every time to be taking instead.
With this shortcut and the power that the Arena-General Spankr and his brainwashed crew possessed though, nothing on that road stood a chance of living anything close to life after that, and monster bits covered it up and down the coasts and mountains and caves therein, staining the sands before them just red enough to change the color of some of the foam coming in off the waves rolling around by their feet. A long trail of multiple sets of foot marks dotted the dirt and gravel and permeable roads under them. Some just stepped aside, knowing they worked for Pander, fearing them themselves, for whatever concept of gender that a monster like the eldritch things they found may have, that maybe the lady ones cried more and the male ones froze hoping they wouldn’t be next, either dead or succumbing to the Overlord’s siren song for compliance and bloodshed in his name.
This means though that not only did they get to Queendom and its back door before we did, they gained levels that put them on an actual challenge level with us.
They lay waiting, Spankr climbing the castle and slaughtering whatever guards he could and looking upon the throne to see a girl cowering nearby in a robe that matched the royal purple streaks of her hair. This was her. The prize.
“Princess Ally, I presume?” Spankr began speaking rather gentlemanly.
“Y-Yes?” the poor shaking princess replied, meekly.
Spankr ran up as fast as he could and took her by force into his shield hand’s grip, having strapped it to his shoulder and upper arm, his sword edge near her throat as he sneered and began to drag her up the stairs to the top of the castle, threatening her the whole time.
“You move, or try to escape, or call for help, or any of that nonsense, little girl, and your throat will be slit and a deep crimson stain will mar that violet robe of yours.”
Poor Princess Ally meekly agreed to be taken hostage and was taken to the top of the castle without any physical harm, but the mental wounds would take a while to heal.
The Arena-General sneered as he looked towards the front of the town. “Just in time to see the oh so almighty heroine arrive, you better start praying to the goddesses that she can pull this off. After all, four means death, and I intend it to be all of yours!”
His eyes became wide and excited, his adrenaline feeding him as he turned towards me and spat towards me, showing off the victim he had in his hands, his sword oh so menacingly held across some poor woman’s neck.
“YOU! THE VALKYRIE WEAPON! WHAT TIMING! We’ve taken this town as ours, and if you would so kindly back down, none of you will die too painfully, you have my word!” he shouted, as if I cared to give in to the threats of such, especially from men.
“Yeah, what? Who the fuck are you anyways?” I shouted back. “You look like someone who has deep fantasies about fucking their own dad, so what are you doing playing with little girls?”
You could see the expression on his face widely changed as he scoffed and tossed Ally aside, pointing his sword at me and cursing up a storm.
“I’ll have you know I’m perfectly heterosexual! One hundred percent man and into women! I will desecrate the lot of you before sundown!”
Struck a nerve it seems. It’s a pretty easy one in these types. Not even these Four Plays general buffoons were spared the toxic words and magic seeping from them that Pander spoke, though they did suffer it least.
“Okay, sure.” I rolled my eyes. “Okay yeah, I’m Atma, the Valkyrie Weapon, and I’m here to...”
I was interrupted as the girl that was held hostage spoke to me. “ATMA? Is that really you? I was worried you’d never come and get me!”
“I uh...” that level of worry, the princess thing, the fact he was trying so hard to keep her away from me. It could only be one person. “Ally? You got here? Oh crap, that means we got to REALLY protect you. Look, this world is, it’s uh, look it’s just not suited for someone like you, but hey, I got all the other girls with me! Look! We’ll protect you from whatever is lurking around the corners here!”
I signaled Cassie from behind my back to have her try to beam this sword guy in the face with some low dose of her napalm as fast as she could. It struck him dead on and the poison began to seep down that massive metal neck collar he had on.
“Like that!” I added.
“YOU! I’m Arena-General Spankr, and I don’t think you’re going to like having to deal with me one bit! How dare you do this to me! If that’s the case, then I got just the remedy for this!” with that, Spankr took his glove off and put his fingers to his mouth, blowing in a loud whistle.
Soldiers, hungry with lust for woman flesh and power, crept up from behind everywhere. Very much including behind us. We’d been had. Tricked. Surrounded. Or something that was supposed to intimidate us into giving up, I guess. I’d gotten smaller squads out of bigger fights before. I knew the deal; somehow get the group in a safe formation enough to get me to the castle gate so I could rush this guy on my own. Seeing their beloved leader’s ass handed to him in front of them tended to make most of them turn into the cowards that they actually were and turn tail back home. If not, it made them much easier pickings.
But there existed ones of every type, and we knew what we had to do now.
Objective: Save the princess, because this is one I was sure we wouldn’t want in another castle. Especially given what the only other option for castles in this world was. I wasn’t about to leave poor Ally there, not one bit. I could handle it, I could eventually escape and make my way back out the front door as if I owned the place, and maybe I did, because I swapped the deed on the way out. I’d have to get up that castle though, and fast.
This called for a bit of swashbuckling. My fists were free of weapons this time, because they were my weapons, meaning things like ropes and plants and the edges and holes found in stone could be climbed. You know, like the fortress wall before me.
But while that would be cool and all, I had a much better idea.
And that was to start throwing fists.
“Screw this; let’s fight!” I yelled as I made my move towards the castle and just began a flurry of destruction from my hands.
In front, to the left, up and down, it didn’t matter, there was so many of these faceless bucket headed fools that it didn’t seem to make a lick of difference which ones we were hitting, just hit them until they fall. Simple. They could go home crying to their moms now if they wanted, you know, if they hadn’t done that whole swearing off womakind thing.
Anthy started jamming on her harder tunes, making us a lot meatier and harder to hit, which with the sheer number and magnitude of the forces before us, was more vital than actually stopping them. Though with Big Bi in the mix now, watching her take one and throw it into a pile of them and see them topple before us like firewood was always a treat. Anything like that or the area around the dead was being marked with Cassie’s napalm and other poisons, usually the chafing one, so they would gladly stay the hell away. Miri was using this chance to line our purses to unfathomable levels as she would snatch their wallets, bags, whatever and watch them get crushed by either me or Bi’s fists. It was a miraculous sight. Now and again, one of their bigger, slower, but absolutely beefy idiots would wander up behind us, and Miri’s insta shanking usually did the trick on them.
I don’t think they thought this through. The more they had, the more cramped they got as I made my way to the castle door and just punched the handles off and kicked my way in. Several guards tried to jump me from behind where the doors swung open and I took them for a ride. And by that I mean just ducked and let the two morons smash each other in the face, backing up a bit and letting them crumple on down to concussion town as I stomped on the back of their heads for good measure, only to be met by a maddened fencer at the staircase to the top where Spankr and Ally were.
Okay. Sword vs fists rarely ends well for the unarmed one. But a true swordsman like me knew that you didn’t need an actual sword to be a swordsman, and that my fists and gauntlets could parry any single one of this mans thrusts and stabs and slashes. I let him try to cut me, just stepping to the side as I backed up slowly, ducking and jumping a couple times until I purposefully put my back to the wall near a curtain, grinning.
“You wanna fence, kid?” I grinned. “You ain’t got shit on real dueling, I’ll tell you that now. You’re about a thousand million more generations from ever facing me fairly!”
As he went in for a kill shot, I jumped up, spinning in the air as I grabbed onto the highest section of curtain drawstring I could, running myself along the wall and down into the massive burning pot of a torch that I had been standing in front of, kicking it over and spilling the flames and oil in it all over him as my feet caught it, extinguishing them on his good sword arm and shoulder, absolutely crushing it as I picked up his sword and pointed it at him.
“I got a princess to save, you dumb fucking animal.” I sneered. “How dare you try to use something like a sword to do something so cruel to such a lovely lady? Don’t you know the first rule of chivalry?”
I wouldn’t let him answer, taking the pommel of his sword and just digging it into his nose and teeth, shattering anything around it and knocking him out like a light. I slid the sword into my belt and made my way up the stairs.
Up here, in the air, by myself, with my friends struggling to fend off the mighty horde below, even with their best efforts the fact they seemed to respawn at ridiculous rates was exhausting them. I knew what I had to do.
I took that cheap sword out and made a threat at Spankr.
“Hand over the princess, asshole.”
“And why would I just do that, just because you have someone’s poorly forged cutlass in my face, lass?”
“Because I’m the Valkyrie Weapon, you dumb bastard.”
With one swipe from his sword, said cheap crap was out of my hand and I was left unarmed again. I just sighed as he hunkered down, bringing his shield down to his hand and in front of him, sword up like some kind of hunchback trying to scare off whomever was knocking at his door while he was masturbating at two in the morning.
“Yeah? And I’m the Arena-General. Titles mean nothing, words even less, when it comes to combat. If you can somehow beat me, empty handed, with me in this pile of steel and rivets, armed with a sharpness keen enough to shave the soft hairs on your feminine cheeks I think I’ll---”
I sputtered and felt my head swirl upon hearing the word feminine. My blood began to boil as I seethed inside and out, an aura coming around me as I stomped my foot down and entered a deep, low fighting stance as he was.
“What did you just call me?”
“Oh relax, you women really can’t take a…”
Before he could finish, Spankr was eating a flying knee to the face, knocking him back enough I could grab his arm and flip him over, cracking his sword arm behind him and jumping up and back down as hard and fast as I could, dislocating his shoulder and breaking his elbow.
The shriek of pain from that one could be heard for miles around for years to come, there would still be a faint ringing around here as he screamed and wailed, his arm flopping and essentially killing his fencing career. He tried to stagger up and shake his shield off, grabbing the lip of it and throwing it at me like some kind of horrible frisbee.
Huge mistake, fucko. I grabbed it and spun it back around, the same edge beaming him right where my knee did, pushing him over as I popped his other arm and began to pry his armor off with my bare hands, revealing nothing more than a scrawny, bone-thin idiot underneath all of the bravado. I tossed his armor down and lifted his broken body up and showed it to his men.
“This is the man in charge of you today. He is both beaten and barely a man at all! He is old and frail and has tricked you into believing his strength.” I tossed his body at the feet of the soldiers remaining below. “Take him back and tell your boss no matter how many of these assholes he has, the Valkyrie Weapon will be waiting to humiliate them all.”
I grinned, my aura cooling off.
I won.
I went over and picked up Ally like a real princess, smiling softly and bringing her out, looking the remaining enemies dead in the eye as Spankr barely was able to speak or breathe.
“You still here? You want him to die on your watch? That’ll be your blood on Pander’s sword, or whatever he’s got. I don’t know, I never met the guy for someone who seemingly hates me so much.”
With that revelation, the soldiers all fled, and the long hard battle was won.
And with Ally safe, our skills were up, and mine especially since doesn’t the hero always get a kiss on the cheek after something like this? Yeah you bet she does. I ain’t ever washing my face again!
With that, the sixth weapon and form of Lesbifrost was revealed to me to be actually a massive paladin’s shield, and with it a change into a holy bikini and cape with the valkyrie’s helmet I originally had on, and the mitsudomoe symbol of the samurai on my cape. The shield felt light, warm, protective, healing. Finally, someone with some real healing power, and it was...me? Who knew. Then again, I did make a pretty good warlock. We’ll see how cleric Atma turns out. Rainbow Bridge – Defender was unlocked.
Cassie’s next skill came as Recipe – Pollenator, which would cause a mass blindness in a small area and drastically lower enemy accuracy. Could have used this sooner but oh well. Anthy gained Metal March, a song that instantly put us in a better formation for that round, regardless of our moving capabilities. Miri gained Organ Donor, which would cause an enemy to lose HP due to infection and if they got near another enemy, spread it to them. Bi got the Steel Cage Special, capable of trapping an enemy for a while in their place. Ally joined and came with a wide array of healing magic, so it wasn’t just me who was going to be playing first aid.
With that, our party was looking pretty goddamn balanced. But one last place sat on our map, and Lesbifrost hungered for her final form. There was no landmark but maybe a small tent and what looked like the actual frontier edge of Femrysca.
But for now, we decided to crash here in Queendom. The battlefield was a mess, and so were we, but to be able to sleep in a royal bed, snuggled up to an actual real princess to keep warm as her new war cleric?
That was worth its weight in the sweat and blood we had poured forth onto this ground this day and saved the good name of Queendom.
Little did we know far more blood, sweat, and tears awaited us all out on the frontier, but to us, that night, that was thousands of years to happen from now.
Goodnight, sweet princess. We’re all here now, together, and we’ll protect and love each other until the end.
Because that’s what real chivalry does.