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Siofra continues to be an embarrassment to everyone but herself.

Wordcount Today: 2229
Wordcount Total: 6278/50000

The sun was shining bright overhead, casting small shadows around the two ladies' feet as they briskly trampled along the dusty dirt path between locations. If they kept this up, they would probably be back in Tanjil in time for a late lunch. Or at least a nap before dinner. Nothing quite like waking up from a hard morning's walk to a hard evening's beer and a bit of shelftit from the pub workers to gawk at groggily. Siofra places her hands on top of her head and stretched, yawning and whistling a bit as she looked around the trees and bushes surrounding them, making note of any bearing fruit in case she grew hungry. In her haste to keep her head and her crotch intact leaving town, she'd forgotten to buy them snack rations. Millia would sometimes scout ahead, the amazing pack on her back hefted up high, letting the paladin catch a glimpse of her armored ass. Maybe this all wasn't such a bad job after all; the sights were worth it alone as perks.

“My liege, I do wonder, how did you wind up in the arms of a married woman? Your code of personal conduct restricts you from touching someone already taken unless permission is granted to do so first, and even then you tend to be wary. I always thought that oddly romantic of you, so it's weird you almost lost your head earlier.” Millia turned back and caught back up with Siofra, matching her pace and breaking the long silence that was only filled with the knight's poor musical impressions.

“Ah? Oh. Er, you're right, I really do try to avoid it. But she didn't have a ring on nor showed the usual signs of being a mother, if what her husband said about the tailor girl being his kid is true, so I figured it was okay. Then again, now that you mention it, she was acting oddly. Way more enthusiastic than most.” Siofra yawned and scratched her chin as she continued. “She probably removed her ring and was there to lure someone in to lay her since it seems she was having marital issues to begin with. It's not the first nor last time that'll happen in the history of our world. She was a smith's wife and therefore had a fire in her forge that needed to be tempered more evenly. Really, her husband should know this kind of thing.”

“...It's happened to you before then, I take it?”

“I don't like to talk about it much since it does reflect poorly on me. Though the first time it happened is why I put that in my code. Thought I was a big, hot hero saving this poor, fat chested wife of one of the priests at the temple I was training at. Said he was too busy flogging himself and not her. Sounded kinky enough so I snuck out with her one day to my room in the barracks. Forgot to lock the door. He knocked and opened it at the worst possible second. Her ass bent over my knees and---”

“T-that's enough my liege!” squeaked Millia, blushing and unable to make eye contact for a bit after that. “S-so you're saying that your overly chivalrous nature overrode your sense of ethics? You did just want to save her, after all. The code came about then to keep yourself in check?”

“Yeah, pretty much. Things were awkward in the temple after that for a while. Being called wife-whipper wasn't fun and having to give reports to the priest was never short of nausea inducing from anxiety and shame. I was only seventeen, but still. Pretty mad it happened again, confessing when we return is not going to be fun.” sighed Siofra, sounding disappointed in herself. “Captain Lussel isn't going to let me hear the end of it if the confessor snitches on me, which, yeah is definitely going to happen. I AM the swordarm of Fyrshala and they want me to set a better example, so they love to drill these things into me.”

“...I'm sure you'll survive, my liege. You're tougher than that. They'll know it was a mistake this time.”

“Do you think Fyrshala even cares though? The holy mistress of flames and willpower? Her of all people?” Siofra stopped and snarled, climbing a nearby tree and picking a pair of fresh urish fruits from the branches, tossing one down to her squire as she sat in the branch, taking a big, drippy bite out of her own. “Has anyone ever gone up to her section of the Realm of Light and asked her her opinion on my promiscuity? She's probably done worse and she's still revered! I say someone ought to go ask her!”

“How do you propose we do such?” Millia asked as she took a much more reasonable bite off her fruit. “I don't think she's got a mailbox we could send a jolly postcard to!”

“Oh, my squire, you've so much to learn. Look, everyone's known the location of the Tower of Izrivai'a for a few hundred years. Thanks to airships being as sturdy as they are now, it was finally found to exist near the Northern Frostlands and not just exist in the realms of myths. Anyone who gets to the top and completes the trials within gets to meet with the Gods, right?”

“I don't think I like where this is going.” Millia whispered to herself before giving an audible reply to her boss. “I know what you're going to say, my liege. But do you think they'd give us enough time off to go travel to it?”

“They will if I sleep with the right few temple bosses and plead my case as one of holy pilgrimage in the name of my family and Tanjil's honor. I don't think any other kingdom's sent a champion able to scale the whole thing yet. Imagine how famous and rich we'd be and our homeland would be if we were the first to the top!” Siofra smiled, scarfing down the rest of her fruit and jumping down from the branch, posing and pointing far northward. “Imagine how many women would be lined up to our bedsides! We HAVE to do it! To vindicate me!”

“You can take my share of the women, if we even make it. Are you quite sure though that's the only reason you'd go?” Millia was smarter than that and would catch on to Siofra's motives easily.

“What do you mean? I'm good-natured, and you know it, Millia! Do I look like I have any foul ulterior schemes to my person?” Siofra took point once more and began to march forward as she questioned her squire.

“You keep mentioning all day your wondering how often your Mistress Goddess is, er, loved.” Millia couldn't bring herself to say things quite as brashly or crudely as her boss, making her blush again as she nibbled her snack to distract herself.

“Oh. Yeah. I figure I could handle that. If she accepts then it vindicates every time I've been chewed out, doesn't it? She'd want it more than I would! I'd be her perfect swordarm after all! Maybe I could score a holy chainmail underwear set while I'm up there and really impress the ladies.” Siofra was off in her own world, running a finger across her nose and tapping her freckles. “I'm sure you could get something too for your troubles. You're coming with me, right? You're my squire under contract so you can't really say no, can you? Hmm?”

“Suppose not, my liege. I'm just hoping we make it there in one piece and not as ghosts. If we even get this approved.” Millia had her doubts as she checked a nearby sign. They were finally close to home. At this rate they'd be back before dinner. They'd not have time for that nap but they'd at least find something more substantial than roadside fruits.

“Someday I need to teach you how to seduce your superiors so you get ahead in life. You're nice, and I really am thankful you are, you're a good girl, Millia, but you're also too nice sometimes. That said, hold still.” said Siofra as she licked a gloved finger, smooshing it on her squire's face and rubbing it around.

“Ahh! You're not my mom! What are you doing, my liege?” Screeched Millia, squirming and blushing, fidgeting with her eyes shut.

“You missed a spot from when you were eating a bit ago. Also, just proving a point about how nice and cute you are. You really are adorable sometimes, you know that? Well, more like all the time, but my voice would run dry and my throat sore saying it every time I found you gorgeous.” smirked Siofra, getting a head start back towards the gates of Tanjil. She could just make them out over the horizon, grinning wide.

“If you insist, my liege. I won't argue the point.” Millia was defeated, following on foot slowly. Wiping her face when her boss wasn't looking and sighing before mumbling quietly to herself. “I wonder if this is what my parents had envisioned me doing when they found out I would be a squire for the Whelan family. I hope they're proud of me and all the patience they gave me. Oh, Fyrshala, if you are indeed listening, I apologize for my liege's behavior. She knows not control. She's not a bad person, but she could stand to be leashed.”

“Come on, we're going to fuck a god!” shouted Siofra, trying to get Millia to catch up. “We don't have all day, we have to get planning for this right away! It'll be the greatest adventure of our lives!”

Millia plodded along carefully behind her boss, the two going back to the peace and quiet they had earlier, Siofra humming and whistling again in a grand display of disrespect for the concept of rhythm. As they made it to the gates, Siofra put her hand on Millia's helmet and pat her strongly a few times, still with a stupid grin on her face.

“We made it home, Millia! Let's report in and take the day off and I'll meet you in the training hall tomorrow. Sound good? I think we both could use a large dinner now.” said Siofra, confident this was going to work out, most likely expecting it to play out like fairy tale and not the comedic farce it was sounding like already.

In her scheming, though, she'd forgotten all about the postcard she looked at earlier. That is, until a familiar voice came from near the gate. “Ahh! My baby! Baby has returned back to Mama's warm home! Come hug Mama, baby, is good, all safe, all warm, yes!”

Siofra immediately turned as red as her armor and started staring at the ground, frozen in fear. Millia tried to stifle her laughter. A tall, hard-muscled woman in furs and leather with an axe on her back came out to greet them, a long flowing mane of ember red hair flowing to her knees flapping as she ran to scoop Siofra up and place a kiss on her head.

“Ma, gahhhh, Ma, no, I'm a big girl now, geeze! Not in front of Millia!” sputtered Siofra, unable to fight her mother's powerful grip.

“Who Millia? Shiny girl here with gold hair? Ohh, is baby bringing home wives for making grandchildren with now? Mama's happy and proud!” her mother turned to Millia, who by now had given in and was laughing quite hard. She let her daughter go to catch her breath and her dignity nearby.

“No, Missus Siofra's Mother, I'm just her squire, Millia Ezrand. Pleased to meet you!” Millia managed between giggles, putting a hand out to shake. It was met with great, crushing force from Siofra's mother.

“Aww, no grandchild? So sad, but so happy my baby has good, strong looking ally! Come, come eat dinner with us! You need eat strong to be strong, yes! I'm Gunda Whelan, Mama of the baby you travel with, yes!” Siofra's mom said, sounding quite jubilant. “I no take no for answer!”

“Ma...” Siofra stopped herself, knowing not to fight it. “Just this once. Millia and I have important work to attend to first and tomorrow, so she can't stay late!”

“No wanna cute friend of baby to sleep over? What happen? You feel okay? You always bring woman over to warm your bed!” Gunda grinned, pointing Millia towards the way to the castle. “Is no matter, just bring to dinner soon, she stay over in guest room. No need be shy, baby! I see you then, love you, my little pally!” She followed this up with yet another kiss on the head, making Siofra squirm more as she walked off.

“Your mother's a shameless amazon. This makes so much sense! I can't wait to see how similar you and your dad are now!” giggled Millia, patting Siofra on the head. “Come on, let's go eat dinner, baby!” She ran off towards Gunda before her boss could catch her for that one.

Siofra just scowled and fumed, stewing in her own embarrassment, hoping this is the worst it'd get as she slowly followed after, hiding her face from the townsfolk snickering at her nearby.
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