Wardancer 4 pt2 - NNWM 2k17

[atma]

Wordcount: 25118/50000

how the fuck

Usually, they say something here about how the journey is really only now just beginning, but we’ve all heard that about a hundred thousand times. What awaits us? A lot of music and fun and danger. We all can guess that. The exact details? No, but who cares.

What did happen next came suddenly, but was also of no surprise to us.

Our next stop was a town a few days’ travel north, then slightly east of Adoch. The edge of a town near the waterfront was coming into view. The path was winding towards the beach, away from treacherous and unclimbable mountains, and into safer climes for now. Buildings resembling pagodas stretched to the skyline and down into the town below, lined as most cities in these kinds of games are in rows of strong walls. We approached the entrance, guarded by what looked like two ashigaru on either side, armed with matchlocks. The doors were open. I walked up to and spoke to one of them.

“Good afternoon, sir. I’m Atma, the Wardancer, and this is my band of merry elves.” I began.

“I-It’s The Wardancer! Someone hail the emperor and let him know she’s arrived! Let the door open and let the woman through; we mustn’t lose more time than we already have!”

Fuck. That sounded familiar.

“Nevermind. That’s all they’re going to say. That’s all the guard outside Adoch said when I first got here. Let’s just go in.”

A few feet inside was a sign letting us know where we were. A sign, written in what was both English and Japanese, sat before us. “Hey, Katsuragi, come here.”

“That’s what she said.” Kat laughed as she read the sign. “Oh. Oh wow.”

“You know, I’m somewhat fluent in Japanese. Let’s see what you….Oh. Oh wow.”

“What’d you two horny brats find?” Miri peeped up.

Kat and I began to giggle together. “It says we’re in Kai-Awase. But not, like, in the way that we’d be in kaiawase. But pfff it means, uh. Wow they weren’t even trying were they?”

“Nope. Someone just plain didn’t give a fuck. Or they did, and it was a she, and she was doing it with the local lord’s wife. Oh this is too rich.”

“Would you two mind explaining to us in English what’s so scandalous here?” Shawn demanded on behalf of the quieter parts of the group.

“So. Um. Kaiawase was the name of a Heian era shell matching game. It, uh, well, became slang for a certain commonly seen form of lovemaking between lesbians. I think you can guess what.” I began. “Except that’s not what’s written in kana here. Japanese is full of homonyms so context and written language become super important, as does tone.”

“This one says Kai-Awase, which means ‘Conjoined Ravines’ more or less.” Kat started. “So basically, it’s like naming your town Scissoring instead of Tribbing.”

“WELP. At least Red Sonja’s honest, if but for the wrong reasons.” Shawn sighed. “So. Anyways. We’ll let you two pronounce everything here. Knowing that tidbit I’m unsure if any of the rest of us here should attempt a word of the local language given who knows what we’re actually implying. Does it mention anything about a concert hall?”

“Yeah. I have a feeling this is our next location.” Kat turned to me, leering at me as she usually did. “Well, hero, what say we park here for a while and you and I can try playing the shell game a bit, hmm?”

“Dammit, woman, and I thought I had a libido problem.” I never thought I’d be turning down Katsuragi of all people so consistently but I had a world to save. “I’m pretty sure you can find another player for that but I also hear the solo version’s good.”

I pulled out my biwa and began to tune it. If anywhere would appreciate the hero showing up playing this it’d be, well, the not quite Japantown. “I’m gonna go explore. Meet me at the izakaya, which is their version of an inn, at sundown. You’re all free to relax until then.”

All I could hear as I walked off was Syl claiming she needed a library, Katsuragi just going “You know she wants me, right?” and Shawn just responding with “The spirits are telling me you might want to try a pick up line not pulled from the back of an old Playboy, there, Red Sonja.” and Katsuragi running off then yelling “FINE, I’M GONNA GO FIND ME A GEISHA! WAHOO!”

I mostly went around to clear my head. It had been a long, hard road already and we had another long, hard road ahead of us. And at the end, some meta bullshit. I bet I don’t even get to marry the princess, let alone bang her. Then again, that has happened in games before so, you never know. I suspected the rest of them immediately went to go find the Japanese equivalent of Taco Tuesday. Except Kat, though what she was looking for probably qualified for a form of Taco Tuesday.

Part of me yearned to bump into her and her alone and then immediately find a secluded corner and cut the tension growing between us with my tongueblade, but part of me was too scattered at that point for that. I wouldn’t want to be a disappointment. Along the way I lost sight of myself and wound up bumping into someone as I plucked and hummed the songs we’ve written so far. As much as I’d hate to admit it, they were catchy.

“Oof! Sorry about that, miss. It’s been a long day and---”

“HEY! WATCH IT!” Another new but familiar voice rang through my ears, prompting me to look back and stop playing. My eyes went to tunnel vision as I recognized one of my childhood heroes before me, locked in this world with us. Maybe if I played it cool as a hero I would get to talk to her, hell, maybe even get her to join me.

Before me stood a woman about my size, er, in every way, if I’m being honest, with long brownish red hair, a fancy sorcerer’s outfit, a dagger, a few pouches full of coins around her belt, and a headband signed with runes. I immediately began to choke her name out, mostly out of surprise.

“L-Lina Inverse?”

“Yeah? I’m not surprised you know me. I’m pretty famous all over Melodia. You want something there, Miss Fancypants?” she responded, her ego being fed. I knew that was the way to go.

“Er, well, you see...” I put the neck of my biwa in my left hand and pointed dramatically with my right hand, grinning wide and raising all the confidence I could to my voice. “My name is Atma, and I am the almighty legendary hero reincarnated, the one, the only, the Wardancer! Known all around Melodia through prophecy as the one sent to bring down the Demon Lord and rescue the Princess and therefore all of the world, I sing my way across this land in search of almighty companions to help me in this quest! In it I promise your fair share of the rewards and, best of all, if you travel with me, once word gets out from whatever local lords we talk to and prove I am who I am, there will be free food and lodging in it for you!”

I knew if I threw in the last part it’d get her attention.

“Yeah, I suppose I’ve heard rumors about you. What makes me want to believe you, though?” Lina asked.

I grabbed her by the cape and began marching to the emperor’s throne. “Come now, if we speak with the emperor, he’ll recognize me on sight, especially with this instrument at my side. If he says I am not who I claim I am, you may do with me as you please for wasting your time, oh legendary sorceress.”

“ACK! Wh-what do you think you’re doing? The nerve of ya! I can walk just fine!” Lina snatched her cape back and began scowling as she marched next to me. “But you got to promise me I get to do whatever, okay?”

“You may rob me of my all and blow me up and toss my instrument into the sea and leave me here penniless to starve if so be it.”

“That’ll only be the start of it.”

We passed by the other ashigaru easily, whom all repeated that one damn line with the words barely changed and faded off into the distance the further we got. You’d think that’d be proof enough, but royal decree usually helps anyone’s business. I got to the emperor, and man, whomever designed this game sure did a lazy job copying the throne room in Adoch. I bowed and held my biwa to me, not plucking or singing just yet but introducing myself fairly.

“Greetings, I am Atma Weapon, the Wardancer. Surely the king of Adoch had sent word across the lands that I would be arriving soon as a stop on my quest to stop Hjalmar and save Melodia.” I plucked one or two chords real quick, hoping to expedite this now that I knew what to do. “Is there any way I can prove my worth to you?”

“So she’s finally arrived. Yes, the good king sent his regards. You sure traveled here fast. Where are your companions, though?” The emperor asked.

“I merely have this one here with me whom also requests proof of my identity. My merry band is eating right now, in need of rest, and trust me with this task of proving whom we are. Shall we not prove worthy, we shall leave your town and pay full up what we owe and you will not see of us again.”

“Then so be it. Play on, bard.”

I managed a perfect encore of the performance and song I did for the king of Adoch, bawdy ballad and all. At the end of it, the emperor stood a bit slackjawed as he took in what I sang and nodded sagely. Lina looked less than amused. “That’s it? That’s all you have to do to prove anything is sing some weird, scandalous ballad that would---”

“I have heard enough! This is the legendary hero, the Wardancer, and I welcome you, your companion here, and your band to Kai-Awase! Take what you need as you need it as you rest here. Your saving this land is payment alone for whatever lodging or food or concubines you may need. We shall do our best to treat you with the respect and honor that we of Kai-Awase are known for!”

Now it was Lina’s turn to sit slackjawed. “Y-you just got us permanently free food and bed so long as you’re around?”

“Yup. Pretty nice, huh? Too bad I don’t think this place has got a Taco Tuesday, but I’m sure we’ll find something else to fill us up that you can eat a few dozen of for every meal.”

“I can scarcely believe it. What the hell kind of magic WAS that?”

I bowed and began to turn around, intending to head back to the izakaya and hopefully lead Lina there for a free lunch as proof she should join me, continuing our conversation as we did, plucking at my biwa and humming low as she spoke.

“No, seriously. Magic. There’s no way you can just sing and dance that good and everyone gives you what you want.”

“It is. I’m the Wardancer. I’m the hero. Believe it or not, before I got here, I was godawful as anyone at any of this, but I wake up here and it is like I’m a hero’s reincarnation. I’m just naturally that damn good at it.” We got to the front door and I bowed and entered, seeing my friends all there and having taken over almost half the place with plates and drink between them all. “Hey guys, order another round of everything for me and one for our new friend here.”

“N-now what a second! Are you trying to recruit me?” Lina demanded.

“I’m the Wardancer. You saw what I did with the emperor just now. Imagine traveling with us to every town and I manage to pull that off every time. That’s free food and board for you so long as you agree to help us fight the Demon Lord. And, well, my heroic senses tell me that you’re someone whom would be awfully grateful if she never saw a lunch tab again.” My grin stretched almost as wide as space.

“Shit.” Lina growled, still thinking to herself I was using some kind of bizarre magic.

“Ma’am, I don’t know you, but I’m a Californian Medium. Which means I can sense things. The spirits are telling me that you kind of just cast your feelings out pretty dang hard with reaction. She...” Shawn changed to a sing-songy voice. “NAAAAAAILED IT!”

“Oh, shut up!” Lina turned to me, a bit more serious now. “So. Free room and board. I just have to help you kill a Demon Lord? Pff, I do that all the time. There’s a reason why you knew me and my reputation proceeds me. What the hell. Sign me up. I miss traveling with a group a bit anyways.”

“Excellent!” I set my biwa aside and pulled Lina and I up some chairs. I intentionally sit her next to Kat. “So. Name, job class, and any musical capabilities.”

“Lina Inverse. Dragon Spooker. And….wait what was that last one?”

“Oh, don’t you know? You’re in a band, now. We all have combat qualities, sure, but this is a world ruled by music. Only if you lose in a music battle can you choose combat and trust me, with what we saw last night at our last fight, you don’t have to worry about us losing either.” I laughed. She was contracted now to the hero, so she was with us at least through the Demon Lord. I couldn’t believe I just nabbed the almighty Lina Inverse in for this.

“I dunno. I can sing a bit, I guess?”

“We’ll work on your musical career then. Seconds for everyone, please!”

Katsuragi had been staring at Lina the entire time, mostly in the face, trying her best to make it look like she wasn’t looking her in the chest.

“...What’s with the nudist barbarian queen here?” Lina asked, a bit uncomfortable.

“Hi. At least you got the queen part right.” Kat responded, putting that damn arm over Lina’s shoulder and twirling a lock of her hair between her fingers. “So you’ve heard of me.”

“I-I could say the same for you! Do-Don’t you know who you’re hitting on?” Lina screamed, more red than I usually get when Kat attempts anything on me. “I’m Lina Inverse, scourge of bandits and demons everywhere! I rob from the rich and give to myself!”

“That’s nice, dear. I’m Katsuragi, and I’m Queen of the Hooters Harem. And, well, you may not have it physically but you’ve got spirit, and I will let it slide this time and let you enter unto my harem an---”

“W-what did you just say?” Lina’s voice got a few octaves deeper as she shook her fist, biting her lip and snarling. You could see the steam coming out of her nose and ears.

“I said you---” Katsuragi found herself soon ass over teakettle as Lina yanked her seat out from under her and began beating on her, jumping on her, stomping her, everything. It was pure, unbridled rage. “Ow! Ow! OWW! Quit it! Geeze, you’re – ow! - a vicious one! I’m sorry! Ahh! Stop!”

The rest of us couldn’t help but crack up. “The spirits also told me the stars would come out here mid-day but, ah, I forgot to tell you, Red Sonja, that it’d be because you’re seein’ ‘em about now.”

“Can it, whitey!” Kat yelled.

“Alright, alright. Everyone settle down. I hope that’ll learn you a thing or two, Kat.” I commanded everyone as I decided to order us all the tea special as a treat for all our hard work. I had tea ceremony once in my life and I promised it’d be a peaceful experience. If nothing else, it’ll be proof of that free food and drink that I offered Lina to get her to latch on to such a lucrative offer. If I can have the Dragon Spooker on our side, then this Demon Lord guy has got to go down really easy.

We were instructed to sit at another table in the seiza position, which I effortlessly got into, knees a fist width apart as it was appropriate for me to do back home despite being a woman because of my status in class. Most older guard instructors would see women doing martial arts or the samurai arts at least as someone giving up her womanhood, so I was given rights like being able to sit with my knees apart. Etiquette is a wild, wild thing, isn’t it? I showed everyone how to get into it. The only other one to do so with any kind of ease was Katsuragi, whom was used to it from, you know, not being white or American where we sit pretty poorly on purpose. No wonder our posture sucks.

“Um, this is rather uncomfortable.” Shawn began saying.

“You get used to it, believe it or not. Just give it, oh, six or so months of daily practice.” I snorted. It was mean but true. Westerners had a hard time doing seiza.

“Well. Uh. It’s not just that, it’s uh...” Shawn leaned in and whispered to me. “We can see up your kilt to kingdom come over here. You might want to rethink this whole thing before Red Sonja here gets ideas.”

“I heard that.” Kat piped up, doing her best to lean in and get a good angle. Gus tried to block her view, annoying her greatly. “Oh, come on, it’s not like she’s not told us she’s going commando already. Apparently being the legendary hero means you don’t get to have shame. Lucky bitch.”

Kat tried her best to sit up and move, finding herself oddly stuck in place on her mat. “Uh, my legs must’ve fallen asleep or something. I can’t get up. Move your damn arm, Gus. I’ll pay you.”

“In what? I already make comfortable figures back home as a pharmaceutical rep. I doubt what you could offer would make me even consider it.” Gus kept his hand up. “Nice try, Blondie.”

“Bah. Men. Of all people I thought you’d agree I’d get a peek, but nope, I get stuck with a killjoy and someone with a girlfriend who’s pantsuits oddly, well, suit me.” Kat leered over, arms crossed. “And neither of them can ever get my name right!”

“The hell’s her problem? Is she always like this?” Lina scowled. “Why’d you even bring her along?”

“She can physically fight. We can’t.” Shawn said as he drew a triangle in the air between himself, Gus, and me. “And to be fair she’s pretty dang good at it. She’s just...We’re pretty sure she’s got to be someone’s horrible old tabletop character from college.”

“Heehee, that’s funny, because I’m an old horrible tabletop character, but not from college. Atma’s girl just reuses me when she needs someone who can hear and speak. It’s more fun knowing this, anyways. Means I can get away with whatever and if something bad happens, we can just rewrite it. Anyways, I got to pee and this is taking forever.” Miri grinned, attempting to get up. “...We got a problem. Whatever’s up with Kat’s happening to me too.”

Shawn, Gus, Syl, Lina, and I all attempted to get up. Shit. We were not only locked down, we were locked down in seiza. Whatever had us wanted to make us suffer. And I looked, and the ceremony was going slow, which is what it’s supposed to do, but it’d be a while yet.

“Perhaps if you agree to this, you’re consenting to the whole deal no matter how bored you get, so they enchant the pillows or something. You know, the same kind of magic that forced my hand to play so well before the king of Adoch the other day.” I pondered. In games and such, when something like this happens, we usually call it ‘railroading’ or ‘unskippable cutscenes’ but we still couldn’t be sure, experiencing it ourselves, it wasn’t some kind of perverse magic. Maybe this is what that sort of thing felt like to characters in a game when this sort of thing happens. “Either way, my merry elves, we’re stuck as fuck.”

“I wish I was stuck in a fuck.” Kat huffed. “At least that’d be fun to get out of.”

“If I could get up, I’d slap the flirt right out of ya.” Lina snarled from the other side of the table. “Look, I’m a world-renowned sorceress back home. And let me tell you, if this is magic, it’s unlike any I’ve ever experienced. If it is magic, I’ll have to research it later, as this is utterly fascinating at just how goddamn annoying this is!”

“Now here’s a question to pass the time until this is over. So, hero, why do you keep calling us your ‘band of merry elves’? None of us have pointy ears or hang out with Gimli.” asked Shawn, trying to balance his teacup on Gus’ head.

“Because look at us, we’re a bunch of workers contracted to do an annual task by some guy in a red coat and big poofy white beard whom is probably going to take all of the credit for this.” I snarked. “But no, seriously, without a consistent name, what else am I supposed to call us? Atma and The Group That Very Much Shouldn’t Mix This Well But Does? The Atma and the Weapons? The Wardancer Seven? All the other bands get to have a fixed name due to being a regular guild; being the Wardancer demands that I have to play an ever changing role to defeat new enemies in genres I’m unfamiliar with and surpass impossible odds!”

“Makes sense. Just so long as you don’t expect us to put on robes and sit in trees all day with sticks up our ass about nature and how much metal weapons suck.” Gus huffed.

“Nerrrrrd.” taunted Shawn.

“I will kill you, Shawn.”

“...You two dating or something?” Lina chimed in suddenly, elbow on table and face smooshed into her fist, doing her best not to blow this place up, knowing it’s not only the only place to eat in town but that so long as we were intact, or well, namely me, she was going to get free food. “Ever since I got here, you two have been bantering like this and sit practically glued at the hip. Not that that shit bothers me or anything, I just wanna know if there’s going to be wedding cake for dessert or not.”

“How did you guess?” Shawn laughed. Gus quickly changed the tone by slapping him in the back of his head.

“What did I say about killing you? And no, Miss Sorceress, we’re not dating. This brother’s for the ladies only.” Gus reassured the room of his extreme heterosexuality, probably being the only one there who was truly so, as I had my doubts about Shawn, not that he seemed to care.

“Yeah, that totally reassured me.” Lina rolled her eyes. “So while we wait, what’s everyone’s deal here? Y’all just wake up here one day, too?”

I took this time to catch Lina up to date in a rather large exposition dump. Me getting there, Shawn and Gus and their agency and how long they’d been there, the prophecy and how it felt like I had no control over my doing well, and how it hiring Kat and Miri, our first challenge of which Shawn and I sang the chorus of and Gus refusing, Syl the number one groupie both in being the enemy’s number one fan and being our first groupie like at all whatsoever, the princess’ kidnapping, getting here, running into her, and now here we were literally stuck through this whole ceremony and back around to the start of this very paragraph you see before you now.

Finally, the scene was wrapping up and we got our tea. Only the finest and muddiest matcha for this band. It soothed our throats and seemed to melt away every drop of tension in us. Had this been a game, a message would be appearing over us and---

Ping!

A message DID appear over us saying our party had been fully restored and our singing and choreography would be buffed for the next competition. The hell?

“Did anyone else see that?” I said, looking up as if I could see up a goddess’ skirt.

“See what?” Syl asked, managing to peek up slowly.

“Those words just now.”

“I see many words. This book’s pretty good. You see, it’s called Tales of Radiant Symphoniabyss X and the hero is...”

“No, not those words. But good to know this world’s got light novels being published in it too.”

I shook my head. “Nevermind. My Wardancer senses say we can get up and go now.”

I stood up and stretched, kicking my heels to my own ass several times each leg and then raising my knees up a few times. “My ass hurts. Let’s go trawling for geisha or something.”

“Now you’re talking!” Kat sneered, wringing her hands together.

“Onwards!” I pulled my biwa back out and tuned it a bit, plucking a few strings and leading my group out towards the center of town to start singing for the masses and grind for rep a bit, as it seemed to help our band out in general. We also all had some skill points to allocate into our respective skill trees; I had to wonder how big the game servers were to handle such a load of everyone having a completely unique job class. I suppose that was better left for another day.

Once we got there, though, we noticed that another band had already set up shop there and was testing out their instruments. One sat down in seiza on the cobblestone how can you even at a koto with her hair in a shimmering rainbow of colors. Another was a catboy wearing an overly dramatic looking cape and spiked collar, a third member sat entirely in pinks and whites but mostly the pinks as if she were Madoka on LSD, and a final member sat with a regal bearing and parasol twirling as she sipped on tea pinky out.

All of them also looked like the Raiders of the Lost Hot Topic. In other words, they were goth as fuck and unlike anything else we had seen in Melodia so far. In fact, if you had told me that they were made in this game’s character creator, I’d have called you a fucking liar. You want to know why?

Probably the sign next to them that said “Presenting: The Electric Dojo Goths – Exclusively From ‘Show By Rock!!’ - Weekly ‘Let’s Tour Melodia!’ Event”

“Seriously? They chose to bring in a band from that?” I stared, a bit baffled. “I suppose it makes sense, given what it is, but you think they’d choose something that clashed with our aesthetic a bit less.”

Oops. I may or may not have said that out loud. The alleged Goths stopped and stared. The one on the koto blinked a few times before she recognized me.

“Atma?” she asked. “Why am I not surprised you’re playing this. Or trapped in it. Or whatever the hell’s going on. Us? We’re stuck over in Show By Rock!! It could be worse.”

“R-Reili?” I stuttered. “Then that means..”

“Yup.” the catboy chimed in. “It’s me, Scotty. Look, because I showed up to the beta early, I get to be the catboy!”

“Oh shit, Atma’s here?” the one with the tea twirled her parasol and curtsied slightly. “It’s me, Lynsey! When did you get here and...Holy shit how did you get Lina Inverse in your party? And Katsuragi?”

“So you have heard of me an---” Kat was interrupted before she even began,

“You are NOT hitting on my friends, Kat.” I huffed.

“Ohh, jealous much? Or do you just want the queen’s throne all to yoursel---”

“Zip it.”

“I never thought I’d see the day Atma would turn down Katsuragi for any of this. Are you feeling okay?” the one in striking pink said, a bit bewildered. “Either way, no way, I finally get to meet you in person and it’s like this. It’s me, Claire!”

So the Electric Dojo Goths were comprised of four of my actual friends. This world had a sick sense of humor. Or at least a fickle RNG. It can be hard to tell the differences sometimes, but they do exist, but only slightly, and only nerds care to argue about it to see which one of them is less wrong.

“Nevermind Kat and Lina, how the hell did Atma manage to wrangle in Shawn and Gus?” Scotty asked, confused. “This is one hell of a party you got going on. You even have...someone reading a light novel and what appears to be a steampunk greasemonkey pinup babe tagging along.”

“Heyyyy, our reputation proceeds us, buddy!” Shawn elbowed Gus.

“With what looks like four teens who got lost in the mall and wound up surviving off the energy drinks sold in a Spencer’s gifts.” Gus added.

“Well, I am a gift, thank you for noticing.”

“Not you, Shawn.”

“That’d be Syl the Lazy Librarian, also an actual friend, and Miri the Dwarf Fortress, whom you know who sent as an envoy so she could hear and speak.” I pointed to each respectively.

“Hold on, I’m almost at the end of this page...” Syl didn’t even look up from her book.

“Heeheehee. Yeah, I’m Miri, and I’m her girl’s envoy and avatar of sorts. I’m usually a blacksmith or engineer or shopkeeper or all of the above, but here? I’m the band’s pyrotechnics. And mostly here to be amused and gather stories to send back to you know who so she’s entertained. It’s really funny watching Atma flail in her absence, especially knowing she has permission to get into trouble, because it’ll only embarrass her further.” Miri took out a Polaroid and snapped a picture of the Goths. “For home. I want to remember this.”

“So let me get this straight. You have Shawn, Gus, Lina Inverse, Katsuragi, a bookworm friend, and sort of kind of your fiancee but only if she had her limiters taken off and more acting as observer than player?” Reili asked, getting up from seiza and stretching.

“And Shawn, Gus, and I have already had to act as a boy band.” I added. “And might I add you we...”

Shawn and I spoke up at the same time. “Naaaaiiiiiiled it!”

“Oh my god.” Scotty mumbled.

“But as amazing as it all sounds, we’re on a holy quest to defeat the Demon Lord Hjalmar and save Princess Tarana because I’m apparently the proven reincarnation of Melodia’s legendary hero, a bard known only as The Wardancer. When I got here, I started showing musical and lyrical and instrumental and vocal prowess unrivaled and unprecedented. So I guess it’s true.” I sighed and pulled out my biwa, strumming out a quick tune and singing a quick couple verses of the Siofra ballad that seems to convince everyone I’m magic. “See? I can’t control this.”

“And it says here you triggered the tea ceremony scene so...I’m afraid as much as it completely rules you’re not only the hero and amassing an incredibly kickass party, we’re going to have to fight you in a duel. It’s Battle of the Bands time. Let’s say, tomorrow at sundown, here at the Kai-Awase concert hall?” asked Reili, a rare seriousness in her voice.

“I still can’t believe the town’s named that.” I snorted, changing my tone suddenly. “If you hadn’t said that though, I’d have to challenge you since I’m on World Tour to save us all and if you’re in the way of me becoming the legendary hero. So challenge accepted. I’ll see you all then.”

I turned and went to lead my group back to the izakaya. Having to fight friends I just reunited with didn’t seem fair, but it seemed like we mutually understood. That’s when I heard Lynsey pipe up suddenly. “Hey Atma!”

“Yeah?”

“It’s good to know you’re alive. I know you’ll give us a run for our money.”

“And it’s good to see at least some world out there recognizes you in the role you were meant to play.” Claire added on. “You deserve to be every world’s hero.”

“...Thank you guys. I promise not to go easy on you.”

After a tearful reunion, and an explanation on the way back as to how we all knew each other and how we all met and who was who what when where why and how, and I was glad they all found each other and formed a band to survive, and whatnot, I immediately declared it war room time, by which I mean let’s decide who’s in my band, the genre, the theme, the song. Everything.

It’d take a lot of food but so be it. I ordered up enough to keep us going all night if needed, us camping out in a large corner of the room and working by flickering lamplight and candle both. After much deliberation, we decided on a dragon themed team.

Katsuragi’s guardian animal back home was the dragon. Lina Inverse was a famous dragon killer at home known as the Dragon Spooker. And me? Well, let’s just say a certain woman in my life changed me from a dragonslayer to a dragonlayer. I told Kat and Lina on no uncertain terms that they would get along because just think about it, victory here meant we’d all get stronger and they could fight all they wanted with each other after. I also warned them that if they didn’t cooperate, I’d relegate them to the role of my booty dancers; we wouldn’t even get to consider their chests because it would be forbidden to shake those moneymakers.

They immediately whipped themselves into shape and we became the Dragons of the Water Trade. Yes, we named ourselves for a more classy term for prostitution. We drew up what looked like battle bikini versions of old dragon-themed dragoon armor that we would go down to the costumer first thing at dawn for, realizing that we would need backup dancers.

“Geisha! Like no shit we need some.” Kat interjected.

“Kat, you of all people should know that geisha aren’t hookers.” I groaned.

“Yeah, I know, most of the audience probably knows, but what’s nicer to look at, a geisha or someone picking scabs out of her pubes?”

“Why would you know that’s where they are? Kat, did you go looking for geisha and wind up in a brothel?”

“Mmmmmaybe.”

“Don’t tell me you slept with any of those? Gus, do you have any penicillin?”

“I most certainly do not have any for Blondie here. If she got something nasty buying from a place where the sun don’t shine, then she can pay me. Three times market value.” Gus groused.

“Harsh.” groaned Kat. “Thankfully, no. Even I’m smarter than that. I do have SOME self-preservation instincts, thank you very much. I wound up chatting up the geisha instead. THEN I got laid, but only because those apprentice geisha really want to impress their customers.”

“Give me her name later, would you?” I laughed.

“Ohh, I dunno if I remember, she must have screamed mine so much she forgot her own.”

“What, so her name is ‘Slut’ now?”

The both of us cracked up. Lina rubbed her temples and screamed out of frustration. “T-There’s two of them! The hero acts just like her! Oh my god if it wasn’t for the free food and promise of tour money I’d be out of here!”

“Alright, alright. Anyways. Backup dancers. I know two.”

“Syl and Miri?” Kat immediately volunteered them. “I know guys and gals who go for those bookish and industrious looks.”

“No. I know two guys who owe me for crossdressing and saving our asses.” I leered at Gus and Shawn and bared my teeth in a wide smile. “You’re doing your hero a favor. I promise you most of our profits, but would you be so kind as to go to the costuming shop and trying on the best geisha outfits they have? We want to wow the audience and REALLY give them a sight to remember.”

“Kimono are where I draw the line! You must be out of your damned minds!” yelled Gus as Shawn laughed.

“Oh come on, Atma’s right. We owe her and it can’t be all that bad, can it? They’re bound to have something that matches my eyes.”

“Don’t tell me you’re enjoying this, Shawn?”

Shawn pulled in Gus close and began to whisper at him. “Look. She’s the hero. We do owe her. And she’s most likely not going to stop until we agree. The sooner we get this favor done and over with, the better. Let’s do it here. Besides, that other band already apparently knows us. It’ll distract them.”

“...I hate to admit it, but you got a point. Let’s just get this out of the way so we’re not in debt.”

They popped back up and looked at me. Gus spoke for them both when he said they’ll do it.

Good, because the three of us Dragons had a song to write.

The night came and passed and we soon had our next hit song on our hands. We popped off over to the costuming shop when...Hey, isn’t that Jaclyn Rose?

“Jaclyn?” I asked, wondering how she got here so quick.

“Do we know each other, honey?”

“We met in Adoch? You ran the shop there, too.”

“Oh, you must mean my cousin, Jaclyn! I’m Jaclyn, there’s a difference.”

“...I’m sure there is.”

Of course it’s another Jaclyn that’s the same only not. It’s a staple of the genre. I just rolled out our costume design plans and left them behind with a hefty payment plus tip, insisting us three dragons go back to our lair and sleep. We’d get up for lunch, get our costumes, and rehearse until…

What do you know, sundown already. It was time to make it over to the concert hall, which was in the main middle courtyard of the castle here. We had given Miri a much bigger stipend this time to come up with our pyrotechnics show. She insisted this time she had woven in what little magic her job class allowed her to create a few special effects just for us.

The crowd amassed, with the emperor watching us from the back middle, everyone bowing to him and then to us, each one of us had either side of the stage but the Goths had theirs lit up first, signaling them to be the lead team and play on. Apparently these crossover event bands are usually significantly more challenging than anything else basic in the area or the town’s own official band, which we would have been dueling instead if my friends hadn’t shown up in a crossover. From what I could gather, they were about as stuck there as we were here, and the only way discovered out so far was to do these tie-ins and crossovers and promotions, and even then that’s only a brief respite.

They would be a tough act to follow. They played what is one of their more difficult songs to play in their own game, The Din Off Ironbottom Sound, from their album The Battle of Midway. It was a controversial album and song set when released into the game and was quickly pulled as game content, but of course those with versions before the update still had it and were able to rip the MP3 files out and upload them. Those who could get over the themes (it was a Kantai Collection tribute album) said it was some of their best work. They’re welcome, since before we all got stuck in our respective games here, I helped write that album since I know the game and they were commissioned a hefty sum of money to do this. And yes, that is one of them on a banjo you’re hearing.

Too bad it was time to sink their battleship.

Everyone applauded the Goths as they bowed and moved themselves and their equipment offstage. We took center stage in total darkness, insisting nobody shine lights on us just yet. Armed with my biwa and microphone, and Lina on a flute known as the ryuuteki or dragon flute, and Kat up on a stand with a massive taiko drum, we stood in darkness, letting Miri steal the show for just a bit.

She had a wind machine blow just enough to make a soft flapping and wooshing sound, like a dragon’s wings beating against the air.

Suddenly, sparks. Then ignition! Helixes of flames swirled around each of us as we came into view, me up front and on the ground, Lina on a step halfway up the drum stand, Kat up top with her drum, and Shawn and Gus in some incredible makeup jobs off to each side of the stand near me. She had the flames poof into smoke enough to shape like wings around each of our backs, and we stood dressed in happi adorned in dragons, in but long loincloths and greaves shaped like dragon’s claws, with helms like dragon skulls on.

When in Rome. Or at least, when in Kai-Awase. These dudes LOVED theatrics to go with their music. It all ended when Miri clicked one more switch, clad in the very black robes worn by stagehands that would later inspire modern ninja attire, and firecrackers snapped off behind us in the shape of an Eastern dragon’s head and face, the sound like the dragon’s roar and a burst of confetti welcomed us in. We insisted the audience remain silent until the end.

Syl stood off to the side, in a simple kimono, reading from a program but one thing. “Concert Hall Kai-Awase. We are The Dragons of the Water Trade. We will be performing our song ‘Kagura’ for you tonight. Please enjoy.”

And with that, I began to strum my biwa, with nothing else playing for a few lines, until Lina joined in as we repeated those lines, and Kat finally jumping in as we repeated it and...four beats silence followed by a fury of sounds and words and this is how it goes:

<< Translated from Japanese to English – Written into verse >>

“Oh, so once upon this vast golden land
Upon it placed bounty by kami grand
I found myself but one woman strong
As days grew short but night made long

My body sore from travel to parts far-off
Ah! Ah!
You hear it now? At me do kami scoff
Ah! Ah!
As does she set, oh sun, bring on the night
Your brother now the night sky lights
As days grow short and night is long
I find to you I but sing this song

Oh, Kagura~ Ohhhh, Kagura

By sunlight right do I stand and fight
By sunlight bright I make things right
Ah! Ah!
Sway and dance, dance and sing
Sway and dance, into the sky your name shall ring
Sway and dance, dance and sway
As nights grow short and give way to day
Ah! Ah!
To Amaterasu’s name do I dance and pray!

Oh, Kagura~ Ohhhh, Kaguraaaaaaa

[instrumental break, geisha court dance, several minutes]

Oh, Kagura~ Ohhhh, Kagura~

By bow, by spear, by sword on high
I call your golden name up to the sky
My sword does sing, my sword does dance
Their last chance in trance with sword I dance
With the sun I dance in great romance
Ah! Ah!
Sway and dance, into the sky you name shall ring
Ah! Ah!
For your name to sunrise I sing

Oh, Kagura~ Ohhhh, Kaguraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

By crimson spray on pure white snow
This song and dance is the only dance I know
I dance with death by Amaterasu’s glow
‘Til I find one day I dance, oh dance alone
To the underworld dragged by Izanami below

This song and dance the only dance I know

Oh, Kagura~ Ohhhh, Kagura

Oh, so once upon this vast golden land
Upon it placed bounty by kami grand
I found myself but one woman strong
As days grew short but night made long

By crimson spray on pure white snow
This song and dance is the only dance I know
I dance with death by Amaterasu’s glow

Ah! Ah!
Ah! Ah!

By Amaterasu’s name, let me bask in her glow!
This song and dance the only one I know!

This kagura the only one I know!”

And with one last ramp up, we hit our final note and Miri clicked her last button, proud of timing it so when Kat’s drumstick hit, fireworks shot up and showered us in spark and flame. We all posed, even our courageous crossdressing backup dancers, and waited for the smoke to subside, swear pouring down us and all of us heaving, desperate to catch our breaths as we heard nothing but uproarious applause, even getting the emperor to stand up and join in the standing ovation.

It pays to be The Wardancer, that’s for damn sure. And by that I mean the concert hall announcer came back on and told everyone to give us both a round of applause, but said that there could only be one winner, and pointed to us, making the crowd go nuts for us once more. We would be entered into the record books as having defeated the Electric Dojo Goths, clearing their limited time event and earning both the usual prize money, the event clear money, and their outfits were unlocked for our own personal rotation. All of them, for everyone. Even the pink stuff for the boys; well, especially for them.

I walked over and shook Reili’s hand. “Good show, you guys. It was a worthy match.”

“Oh, pff, we knew we were gonna lose, I mean, we’re going up against prophecy. Kind of hard to win against that, even if you use one of your rare and controversial songs. We got to have fun and got to have our asses kicked by someone we don’t mind.” my pal responded, not even mad. “We’ll chalk it up to a learning experience. And hey, when we get back to our game, we can brag to everyone that it was our event the legendary hero showed up in.”

“Good luck with that. At least you all found a game you’d be good at and can have fun in daily. Me? I gotta go kill demon lords and shit because of course I do. I can’t show up in, say, a certain blonde’s world. Nope. Got to be the one nobody’s heard of.”

“Yeah but think of it this way; this is something you’re good at, Aniki.” Scotty grinned.

“Yeah, this is definitely more your speed. If anyone can take this fucker out, it’d be you.” Lynsey reassured me.

“They got the hero they deserve.” Claire added.

“Thanks, guys.” I turned to my friends as the Goths began to put their equipment away for the night. “Well, just like Sex Cavalry, I think it’s time to retire Dragons of the Water Trade while they’re on top of their game. That’s two for two.”

“SEX CAVALRY?” Lina stared and shouted. “THAT was your last band?”

“Yup. Boy band. Shawn, Gus, and I were the Three Musketeers and sang about how chivalry isn’t dead. We could do a few verses if you like.” I laughed.

“N-No. Not now. Not ever.”

“Good job out there today, by the way. For someone who just joined, you really came through for us today. I didn’t know you could flute.”

“It was called a dragon flute, it was like, calling to me or something. You can just sense these things when you’re as soaked in magic as I am.”

I looked at her and saw how sweaty her and her happi was. “I don’t think that’s called magic. What’s say we get back to the izakaya and hit their hot springs and then hit the hay? We got another town to travel to tomorrow and it’s been an eventful night already.”

“NOT SO FAST!” Scotty ran over. “Did you say you were in a boy band? Because I’m going to need a CD. Signed. Like, now. Also I guess throw in that other song, too. And anything else you’ve done. Look, we just miss you and this would be nice to remember you by. Well, that and the boy band thing.”

I laughed. I knew they were going to ask, but I wasn’t sure if it’d be the boy band part or not. I should have known.

“Agreed, I’m gonna need to hear this.” Claire laughed.

I urged the rest of the merry elves to go on ahead back and get cleaned up. I’d be here recording music and signing stuff a while. Katsuragi insisted on staying with me because she wanted to bathe with me later, you know, just in case I needed help reaching those hard to get spots. Lina stayed behind to get to know me better. And to keep an eye on Kat. The rest, however, were all too glad to be free for the night. The moon had long since risen on Kai-Awase, Amaterasu long asleep, if she were even a thing here to begin with.

But with the nights growing longer, I knew that this was, for now, the only song and dance I knew.